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Thread: Do looks really matter?

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    Newbie KataraBadyanu is off to a good start KataraBadyanu's Avatar
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    Do looks really matter?

    Alright, this has been bugging me. I was hoping maybe some of you could give me your opinions on the subject.

    I'm currently dating the most wonderful guy I have ever had the chance to know. We met through a mutal friend online, and since then, have been talking in email, text and on the phone constantly. He sends me little texts when I wake up in the morning, wishing me a good morning, and one at night, to wish me to sweet dreams.

    The thing is, I've never seen him. I know what he looks like, given a detailed discription from said friend that introduced us, but as far as to meet him in person, or see a picture, has yet to happen. Personally, I don't mind this, because I know we'll meet each other when the time is right.

    However, my girlfriends seem to think that my boyfriend is shady, and has something to hide because he hasn't shown up, or 'forked over a picture'. At the current moment, he's using his cell phone to get online, so I don't know if he could send photos through that, and, transportation issues limit our actual meeting.

    My question is, should looks really matter when you've fallen in love with someone? I've dated guys before that were absolutely gorgeous in my opinion, but there was never that spark. Not like there is with my current boyfriend. I mean, I can actually see myself staying with him for the rest of my life.

    I don't understand, though, why my girlfriends can't seem to accept this. I don't mind that I haven't seen him yet, and they call me looney for claiming to love someone I've never seen.

    Do looks really matter that much when it comes to loving someone? I'd just like to know some other opinions, to see if I'm the only one out there who doesn't mind this. Maybe I am the crazy one, after all?

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    Strange Times Dark. is making a name for themselves Dark. is making a name for themselves Dark.'s Avatar
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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    The short answer is, YES. of course looks matter. You, and any other person ever in the history of the world that has answered "no", to the question, "do looks matter"? is lying, or naïve, fooling themselves. Attraction occurs on many levels, how that person looks is one of them, plain and simple.

    I won't ignore your more specific question: "Do looks really matter that much when it comes to loving someone?" For this I would say...yes and no. Perhaps a corny example, but a mother that bores a child with an unsightly birth defect doesn't love their child any less than she would if that child were born without defects. Might the mother love their child, dare I say, MORE if the child were born without that defect? It's possible; but never LESS because of it.

    My point being, yes, looks do matter when it comes to loving someone but no, they do not matter, "that much", as you put it. They definitely shouldn't be the focal point of why you love someone because if they are, it is most likely lust and desire you have for them, not real love. If you've been able to connect with this guy on a level that is more emotional and mental not just physical, that is a good sign, and I'm happy for you.

    If I may change gears again: I know you're old enough to watch after yourself, and please don't take this the wrong way, but your friends aren't wrong for being concerned that you have yet to see an actual picture of the guy you're chatting with. If I were in your situation, I don't think a picture would be enough, I'd rather have a video chat session with that person before I trusted meeting them in person. That way you induct a safety measure, plus you finally get to 'meet' him face to face, which would be exciting for both of you. Or at least if you're going to meet him in real life, have a friend along for that initial meeting. Again, I'm not implying that the guy you're with is a rapist or anything, I'm just saying it does happen, and you shouldn't be frustrated with your friends for wanting to watch your back.

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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    well looks dont really matter to me.. but thats because i have always been jugded.. and i kno how bad it can hurt ppl.. so i dont really depend on looks. i have always been tought that looks dont matter becuase its on the outside.. wat does matter is wants in the inside and thats ur personality...
    im shy........... not scared

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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark. View Post
    The short answer is, YES. of course looks matter. You, and any other person ever in the history of the world that has answered "no", to the question, "do looks matter"? is lying, or naïve, fooling themselves. Attraction occurs on many levels, how that person looks is one of them, plain and simple.

    I won't ignore your more specific question: "Do looks really matter that much when it comes to loving someone?" For this I would say...yes and no. Perhaps a corny example, but a mother that bores a child with an unsightly birth defect doesn't love their child any less than she would if that child were born without defects. Might the mother love their child, dare I say, MORE if the child were born without that defect? It's possible; but never LESS because of it.

    My point being, yes, looks do matter when it comes to loving someone but no, they do not matter, "that much", as you put it. They definitely shouldn't be the focal point of why you love someone because if they are, it is most likely lust and desire you have for them, not real love. If you've been able to connect with this guy on a level that is more emotional and mental not just physical, that is a good sign, and I'm happy for you.

    If I may change gears again: I know you're old enough to watch after yourself, and please don't take this the wrong way, but your friends aren't wrong for being concerned that you have yet to see an actual picture of the guy you're chatting with. If I were in your situation, I don't think a picture would be enough, I'd rather have a video chat session with that person before I trusted meeting them in person. That way you induct a safety measure, plus you finally get to 'meet' him face to face, which would be exciting for both of you. Or at least if you're going to meet him in real life, have a friend along for that initial meeting. Again, I'm not implying that the guy you're with is a rapist or anything, I'm just saying it does happen, and you shouldn't be frustrated with your friends for wanting to watch your back.
    Pretty much summed it up right there. Personally, I wouldn't fall in love with a guy online, or at least I haven't for that matter. Talking to someone face-to-face is a lot more effective than talking online; in most cases, you get to see more of the person's true colours. People can act completely different online than in real life and even if he really is a nice guy, you might see a different side of him that you didn't see before if you actually meet him in person (or on skype).

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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    Nope. I wake up make my hair look even messier, and then i put on my hat and go to school. I dont give a damn what people think of me. If they have a problem, ill beat their ass. Moose is moose, lord and commander of natures majestic moose. no one else.

    Death is as generation is, a composition of like elements, and a decompostion into the same.

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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    Yes looks matter, they just aren't everything. More importantly though, you have no idea how well the two of you connect on a physical level, and so any amount of "love" you feel you have for this guy only tells half of the story. He's going to be different when you meet him, and you'll be different too. You'll feel a kind of nervousness, pressure, or excitement in his presence, that you don't feel when you're in the safety of your own personal "realm", and this will make you act a bit differently, there's more going on when the person is *right there omg*. You and him both might be a lot more shy, and seem a lot less romantic or responsive lol. You've gotta find out if both of you click in person in addition to how you already have been, before you start making any plans.

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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    They are not everything, Not at all. But to be physically attracted to someone is normal, not shallow. Shallow is if you date someone or try to date them purely on looks.

    Although, for your current predicament, if this guy makes you happy, then I say, good for you
    Crazy people don't know they're going crazy. They think they're getting saner.

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    Re: Do looks really matter?

    yes looks matter, but for me personality is more important!!
    looks are not everything.
    In general, costumes are the first thing in life that let other people know who we are. They indicate who the person is without saying anything. - Molly Parker
    www.mooncostumes.com

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