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Thread: The old Dating Double standard.....

  1. #17
    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Re: The old Dating Double standard.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Franco View Post
    And as such those people need to say from the get go what type of relationship it is going to be, because in the end their is going to be a winner and a loser when a relationship fails and society tends to favor the loyal party in the relationship (even if they are the villian). but if we are discussing about equality in a relationship for all, what do women prefer, for the man to pay for everything, to go dutch, or for the women to pay for everything, because their is a preassumption or a double standard in today world that a man has to pay for everything when it comes to dates (I should know, I pay for everything when I go on dates), if we are truly equal to each other, then why is it that the man is seen as the one who has to pay for everything still, (I have heard a couple of feminist who have said that the man has to pay on a date) I have no problem paying for my dates because it shows them that I am responsible, but how do females feel about this standard in dating, can you say it is truly equal to both sides?

    As for commitment in a relationship, if it is a couple who have decided to see each other, and stated what kind of relationship it is going to be, that is where I see where loyalty should be based on in that regard, if you are someones f### buddy then you should not cry about the other being with someone else because your relationship is based on sex and not a traditional relationship. but if both parties agree that they are seeing each other and only each other, then they have a certain type of loyalty to that other person, ring or not, so if some one cheats in that relationship I could see why the other will get upset, and it is up to both parties to resolve the issue otherwise it is nobody elses busness, unless it gets abusive.
    Here is the thing with the double standard. I mean i work i dont expect my boyfriend to pay for everything i want and need or when we go out. I mean , it's not fair to him. as far as loyalties go, i dont know really i 've kinda seen a lot here on ao this past year. to i guess it can be unfair for me that when i ask someone out i'll be labelled as a not so lady like person or if I date like two guys...( horror eeek not at the same time and day)...but when a guy cheats they say it's natural he's a guy....do you get my point? its all a matter of perception i know but threw this out in the open because i want to understand not like cause some major discord.
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    Re: The old Dating Double standard.....

    Perception is also a matter of what sex you belong to, or just simply indeed who you are. I have female friends who say GUYS who cheat or have more than one (sexually active) girl are just horrible and nasty and need to grow up. I've had other female friends (noticeably less though. Hmm.) whom have said and I quote; "I am of the opinion that humans work well in a harem-like system. Women in general tend to be more satiated with one lover than men are, because by sexual drive alone, men are genetically INCLINED to spread their genetic line as much as possible."

    Although I might see SOME kindof of weird truth to that somewhere if I read into it, I also dont buy into the idea that I, as a male, am just a "thrower of DNA into as many women as possible". I would not, for instance, throw DNA at ugly women. At least, not in what **I** as a person percieve to BE ugly. This isn't just looks I'm talking about. (I can be easily put off of someone, despite how much I like them at first.)

    And hey, PheonixSara, if reality shows mirror reality, why NOT glorify thems? xD!!! Lol.

    Basically, I find the main thing in a relationship is to be upstraight with your partner, or if your even VAGUELY getting signals from someone. Make it plain. It makes things a lot simpler.

    "I would like for us to be a serious couple."
    "Do we have a proper, one-on-one relationship? We do? Good. Thats that sorted."
    "I am not interested. Please realise we are not emotionally involved."
    "What we are doing is not serious to me, so dont make it serious."

    Generally, those kind of phrases help your partner(s) realise where they stand.
    Helps to use them, people.

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    Otaku Franco is off to a good start Franco's Avatar
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    Re: The old Dating Double standard.....

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post
    Here is the thing with the double standard. I mean i work i dont expect my boyfriend to pay for everything i want and need or when we go out. I mean , it's not fair to him. as far as loyalties go, i dont know really i 've kinda seen a lot here on ao this past year. to i guess it can be unfair for me that when i ask someone out i'll be labelled as a not so lady like person or if I date like two guys...( horror eeek not at the same time and day)...but when a guy cheats they say it's natural he's a guy....do you get my point? its all a matter of perception i know but threw this out in the open because i want to understand not like cause some major discord.
    So you would like to pay for yourself, so going dutch would be up your ally maybe during a date? but would you be angered if a man payed for a date, or would you be flattered? As for a lady who asks a guy out I don't see a problem with that, I actually had someone ask me out before and I did not have a problem with that (just that we had different plans, I want to transfer to a different college and she wants to stay here so we broke it off), as to that thing with the girl liking two guys at the same time I have been in a situation in which the girl I was seeing was also seeing her ex-boyfriend too and she broke up with me inorder to go to prom with him, she broke up with me a month before prom and painted me to her friends and family as the bad guy, even though I was loyal from the beginning and never thought about going with another girl (I actually gave up wrestling to work a job just to make that experience for the both of us even better). she was the one going around with that guy and I did not find out why she broke up with me until I saw them dancing next to me and my date (my friends sister, I still did not feel right about asking another girl out) at prom. I just think that cheating is bad no matter what the sex of the cheater is, I just think that if you get caught and lose that relationship that it is on you, but I can see why a excuse for guy in society has a double standard, but like I said in this post and my prior one, if their is a relationship and both parties agree on a relationship, then their is a certain loyalty that both people have to each other and it is up to them to maintain that relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Redsquire View Post
    Perception is also a matter of what sex you belong to, or just simply indeed who you are. I have female friends who say GUYS who cheat or have more than one (sexually active) girl are just horrible and nasty and need to grow up. I've had other female friends (noticeably less though. Hmm.) whom have said and I quote; "I am of the opinion that humans work well in a harem-like system. Women in general tend to be more satiated with one lover than men are, because by sexual drive alone, men are genetically INCLINED to spread their genetic line as much as possible."

    Although I might see SOME kindof of weird truth to that somewhere if I read into it, I also dont buy into the idea that I, as a male, am just a "thrower of DNA into as many women as possible". I would not, for instance, throw DNA at ugly women. At least, not in what **I** as a person percieve to BE ugly. This isn't just looks I'm talking about. (I can be easily put off of someone, despite how much I like them at first.)

    And hey, PheonixSara, if reality shows mirror reality, why NOT glorify thems? xD!!! Lol.

    Basically, I find the main thing in a relationship is to be upstraight with your partner, or if your even VAGUELY getting signals from someone. Make it plain. It makes things a lot simpler.

    "I would like for us to be a serious couple."
    "Do we have a proper, one-on-one relationship? We do? Good. Thats that sorted."
    "I am not interested. Please realise we are not emotionally involved."
    "What we are doing is not serious to me, so dont make it serious."

    Generally, those kind of phrases help your partner(s) realise where they stand.
    Helps to use them, people.
    Your talking about inner beauty aren't you, I am a firm believer in that too, as for the rest I agree, the sex of the individual doesn't mean you get a get out of cheating card just because you are a man, or that it was the man's fault when a relationship falls apart and not the girls, double standards can be interpreted as an excuse to cheat, it is up to you the individual how you will be in the relationship.

    ps- if you go into a relationship half hearted, then you probrobley don't really like the person from the get go, but that isn't to say that you can't build a relationship out of it either.

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    Re: The old Dating Double standard.....

    i dont mind paying for a date, specially if i want to surprise him. secondly , dating for me doesnt mean i am a couple with a guy unless he says so...

    if a girl is going steady with someone and well cheats that is another thing...
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    Question Re: The old Dating Double standard.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Franco View Post
    Your talking about inner beauty aren't you, I am a firm believer in that too, as for the rest I agree, the sex of the individual doesn't mean you get a get out of cheating card just because you are a man, or that it was the man's fault when a relationship falls apart and not the girls, double standards can be interpreted as an excuse to cheat, it is up to you the individual how you will be in the relationship.

    ps- if you go into a relationship half hearted, then you probrobley don't really like the person from the get go, but that isn't to say that you can't build a relationship out of it either.
    I agree with you there. I've had my own experience in that case.
    Then again, I've also had experiences where I DIDN'T like a person, and just continued to not like them THAT much until we broke up.

    Maybe "not like them" is a bit harsh. More like, "Not love them a lot" or "with all my heart" or "in all seriousness". -_-

    As for paying for a girls dinner or whatever, my current girlfriend WILL let me pay for her if I insist it, but she'll also buy something for me if I dont have the money or if I dont have enough for it. Within REASON. Money and love are two seperate things in my opinion, but to be honest, if a person is too 'irritable' that they get annoyed from me simply paying for their meal (ie; getting seriously PO'ed about it or throwing a silent treatment or something), I generally wont take them out again.

    I'm at once a very patient person - but I also have my impatient stroppy moments if people get on my nerves. I will quickly break ties with a partner if I think their being too touchy with me for stupid things. Its not a firm standpoint to build a relationship from if someones going to throw a strop for no reason.

    And believe me, I've had my SHARE of stroppy partners. -__-

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    Re: The old Dating Double standard.....

    People get married so young these days, most relationships end badly. I have had way too many married men hit on me, to believe that most guys can even be faithful. Which am not saying that all guys/girls are like that, just most.

    Which I think cheating is horrible, also horribly entertaining at the same time. Cheaters is an awesome show. However most people on that show are crushed when they find out that someones being unfaithful, usually its the responsible person with a job that gets cheated on. The "loser" person with no job has all this time on there hands, they get bored and cheat. So you just have to be aware and look for the signs.

    That said, sometimes when a girl is cheating on there man, am like "You go girl!" Like for example my best friend was cheating on her husband, he was a truck driver and gone a lot. I was friends with both of them so it was hard not to say anything to him at first. However she told me that he was hitting on one of her friends. So intern she was crushed and cheated on him several times. Right now, they are currently trying to make there relationship work. Honestly her relationship is what makes me think being single is the best option. Its funny when me and my married friend hangout, because she will be out hunting for guys.

    I think I have been the "other woman" a couple of times. Which I don't want to be the reason people break up. However gave me a lot of insight into the signs of cheating.

    My last relationship, am not sure who was using who. He wanted me to move in with him, and I just wanted to be good friends. He wanted to go out on a date, and was pushing me into it. So I stood him up. He got really mad at me, and said he was seeing someone else, that he just wanted to be friends too. Said that I messed up our friendship. If he was seeing someone else, I still find it hard to imagine she wouldn't be jealous of him taking me out on a date and buying me things.

    As for paying for stuff, I think whoever does the asking should do the paying. Except if you have more than one date, then if he was paying for the dates, you should start paying for some of them. Because a partnership should be equal, in my mind. Sometimes I feel awkward if a guy will spend a lot of money on me. I think he is trying too hard to impress me, or he expects something. I feel really bad, because they spend all that money and I never go out with them again.
    Last edited by Zev; Apr 26, 2009 at 08:44 PM.

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