Quote Originally Posted by Soshi Kitai View Post
Knowing what a person is for years means nothing... it's doing things with them for years.
If there's ever a single moment you're gone from them, there is more space for doubt.
Though the crevices of their minds are hidden from whoever they wish to hide it from, there are signs of weaknesses because of such an elongated action. If people hide things from others for too long, they tend to show "illnesses"... a constant spurt of nightmares is an easy one, saying and doing things they NEVER meant to do or say is also an easy thing to catch. Even those who get sick with fever with no reason of obtaining it, also shows.



It depends by what you mean that "wanting to know someone isn't selfish"... if by love, then you should be patient with them. You may tell them what you wish to know, and you may tell them that you want to be there for them no matter what. You may ask for their trust and their hand. But if it's a person who doesn't even trust you yet, that's selfish.
First gain their trust, gain their respect, gain their love, then you may have a right to know who these people are.
Don't just think what you can do for them, also think what they want from you.
If their standards seem restrictive in any way, they either don't trust you yet, or they never will want to.


As for: What if they did something you didn't trust them to do?
That's a fun one!
You can either smile and say that you learned something more about them, realize they're growing up more, or realize they're full of surprises.
But you should always trust someone to be full of surprises if you've known them as such... there are some people who hate surprises, and there are those who hate giving surprises, and both. Secrets aren't fun if they're being held from you, unless they plan to give it to you on some other day. Be happy that people can surprise you. Even if you thought you knew them "completely", it's nice to know they thought long and hard to do something you would never have expected.... at least, as far as surprises go.
As for all other situations: That all depends.
If it's something completely unlike them, then either you haven't been paying attention to every part of this person... or they're planning something.
Trust only goes to a point, but it is strong and can rid of many unneeded strife.
Things have to be met halfway before trust can even be brought up.



And as for bonds: Like you said, it depends what kind of bond between the two people, for both, and for one.
People may hide things from people, that's the obvious barrier. They're afraid...
But a great thing to break that barrier, is what few do: Prove that the barrier is more harmful when it's there, than when it isn't.

...if these people are afraid to open up to you, it is possible to show them the heavy consequences that come with keeping such secrets. Every secret, EVERY secret has an up and a down. If you prove that the down is worse than they thought, they'll break down the barrier. If they build a new one, then you work together to break it down again.

I may hide secrets from Abu, but I'm always willing to tell in due time. For now, it's not needed, and will cause more harm than good (not anything catastrophic, but it'd be better to tell in a time of peace )... of course, Abu and I had it easy. Abu was never good at lying or keeping secrets, and I always gave everything whenever it came to a relationship. (And it was because of that flaw, that many girls were too scared to even stay with me... afterall, what kind of guy just tells you all his secrets and habits?!! O_o)

It's possible for two people to be completely honest to each other. It really is.
But.
But.
But.
In this world, that's rare. That it is.

But remember, being honest may give out all your surprising and mysterious features (which a lot of women love to keep), but keeping them only shows that you're an ancient box that can't think of new surprises or mysteries to create.
Something new to tell is always nice, it's like a story for the person who wants to learn more about the interesting you.


...there's nothing that was meant to ever stay hidden... Never...
That's only an excuse to those who can't handle the truth.
If you truly love someone. Not romantically, but truly love them and have a bond with them...
Then you'll be able to handle any truth they give you.
And they should trust you on how you react, and if proven wrong, then they're even more relieved or even more distraught.
But as two who work together, you must work this out.

If it's too hard, and if it's not worth it (in most people's cases, it's not. because of how they really feel about the person), then it's never going to work out. But who knows, time may tell.
I do agree with what you do with a person is meaningful, but I also say what you know about a person counts too...

I can see where you are coming from when you say they can show signs of holding something in or back... For me it was saying things I really didn't mean or not knowing what to tell them when they ask what's wrong or what's on your mind... < 9 times out of 10 I say it's nothing when in all reality I just don't know how to tell them >

And yes when I say "wanting to know someone isn't selfish" I am talking about a/the love of a relationship, friendship, as a parent/child etc.. Patience is the key but sometimes it seems that waiting for one to unlock, so to say is too long for one as a person or can turn out to be too late cause that particular person kept things bottled up & everything they build & thought what they knew of that person exploded right there on the spot < figuratively speaking > Good times turn into bad w/ some regrets & a bunch of would of , could of, should of...
And you can have all three trust, respect & love, but still not open up to your significant other like they are asking/ or would want of you...

I totally agree with you on surprises... It can keep the other guessing and/or let one know more about you... You can know that the person is spontaneous... You can know they like surprising you, but yet not know what the surprise is...

You can't convince anyone the up & down of the secret if you don't know what it is or even what it is about...

I am happy for you & Abu ... "What don't work for some; work for others"... In a sincere relationship you have to give your all or in the end all you are doing is cheating yourself & that other person...
And a person who tells all their secrets & habits might want to see if that other person can even handle them & all their baggage/ and just them as a person... < Can you handle the positive w/ the negative > And a person who wants to know might just want to help you carry that baggage & feels that if you can't give your all than you really have nothing... < Who can you run to, so to speak if can't even open up to the one you deeply love??? > I guess it's obvious that there is doubt on both part of the relationship... Maybe that has to do with what goes on nowadays in life period...

Honesty is rare cause people tend to shade the truth & tell them what they want to hear or what will get them by towards the other than just being truthful...

And being full of surprises doesn't make one who knows this know the surprises you throw/get them...

"Why tell the truth when you can lie"..? "Why lie when you can tell the truth"..?
(That's what I say when someone ask me that question )