Thread: Relationship(Right or Wrong)

Okay. I'm the evil bitch or whatever he wants to call me. And I'm not stalking, he showed me the thread to prove that he's right and I'm wrong about everything, as usual. We've fussed about all of this crap over & over and he's been fussing at me about it since November but it doesn't matter what I say... I've not even been saying I'm right about everything like he has, I'm just tired of fussing about all of this 7 months later.

Originally Posted by Xanosuke2

Well a couple of months back she decided she wasn't going to stay somewhere with me where she'd be fussed at, not by me, but by family. And take note I was working 40hours a week, driving back and forth from her house and mine, which is an hour and half drive.

My question for this debate is basically, would you think it is fair to ask someone to just put up with that and be there for you even though it would make them feel bad knowing someone else would be saying stuff about them after they had put you through hell?

I stayed down there with him all the time that I didn't have work. When I did have work he would drive me up here and he'd sleep at my house until I got off and then we'd go back down there. I was pregnant. He lives with his grandparents. The first time that his grandfather started bitching about me being there I was upstairs in his room and I heard them yelling downstairs, he was saying that I shouldn't be there and everything and that made me feel like shit being in someone else's house and them fussing about me being there. And I told you that I didn't want to stay there and you said you didn't want me there with that going on, either. So you took me to your mom's house that night while you went to work and we stayed there for awhile while looking for a place. You kept bugging me to go back to your grandparents and I finally went back and that was just stupid. Because it's their house and they didn't want me there. And you had been saying stuff like you didn't like staying at your mom's because it's crowded and loud there and your cat wasn't there, that was the main reason you gave for wanting to take me back to your grandparents. Even though you were sitting there telling me I shouldn't be getting stressed and everything because of the baby. I went back there for you. It happened again. That's when you brought me to my mom's because I said I wasn't staying there. And I WAS looking for a place until you started complaining it was stressing you out when I asked you to go look at one with me. I've never lived anywhere on my own and I wouldn't trust myself in picking out a place on my own. You kept complaining it was stressing you out so I quit looking for a place. And you never said anything else about it until later when you start fussing at me about it.

Originally Posted by Xanosuke2

Well I was the one that always drove to get her and to pick her up, she didn't have a car or a way. But it's the fact that after all of that, and there's a good bit more I left out for personal reasons >.> like her running off with another guy(sleeping with) etc stuff -.- but yeah, the only thing I asked was her to live with me so I wouldn't have to spend weeks to months without seeing her all the freaking time.

I never asked or told you to keep bringing me back and forth. You want to complain about that you didn't have to do it so much. I could've stayed up here and went to work.

Originally Posted by Xanosuke2

Well you see even with that I still left out details that I guess for the sake of the debate I shouldn't have.

I was there for her for two years and she wouldn't return any ounce of that. Well when she went off with this other guy, it wasn't relationship wise. It was more of a "Hey let's have sex, and I know I don't know you" sort of deal. I was pissed because who wouldn't be? I told her I had every right to know that and she said it was none of my business, so once that was said and done I left. Went, I think a month, without talking to her and she had no clue on my relationship status, and decided she was sorry and wanted me back. So it's no so much of a jealous type of deal as much as it is an out of control problem that is repeating itself.

And you want to bring up stuff about me with some other guy? Let's see... that happened in May. You did stuff with an underage girl in January that same year. I found the messages between you two and when I asked you what was going on you said nothing. I knew something was up and you lied about it. You said your family said nothing happened and that if I didn't drop it I was calling them all liars. Then I found yahoo logs later that said everything that happened where you two were talking about it later. You and I weren't together when that happened but neither were we when what I did happened, either. You lied about what you did and I didn't find out about it til months later. I told you about what I did the same day. I know it doesn't make it right...

I was saying it was none of your business because we weren't together at the time. Just like you were saying it was none of my business with you and the girl that you lied about. And you didn't "leave" because of that. We got back together not long after it and I went and stayed with you at your mom's. We broke up again after that and you barely spoke to me for awhile and that's when you started seeing the other girl.


You keep saying that I keep trying to be right about everything when you're the one that keeps bringing it all up and fussing about it. We've argued all of this I don't know how many times and I've apologized for things and I don't agree with a lot of the things you say but it seems like you want to be right on everything. I did say I would stay with you and I went down there to stay with you and I got pregnant. Your grandfather started fussing about me being there and I didn't want to stay there with that going on, that was making me feel like shit and you were saying that could cause stress and a miscarriage and stuff then. -_- You even said you didn't want me staying there when it happened and you brought me home without fussing. You didn't start fussing until I had the miscarriage. I don't think it was right of you to expect me to stay there with that happening, nor do I think it was right of you to have said that I should've "shut the **** up and dealt with it". It seems like you just want me to go through crap to make us even or something. I wasn't only thinking of myself when I decided not to stay there, I was thinking of the baby. You say you stood up to your grandfather everytime he started fussing about me but it kept happening. He didn't want me there in his house and I didn't belong there.

All you've been doing is fussing at me since I got pregnant. I didn't think staying there was good for the baby. You kept saying I'm stressed all the time anyways and that situation wasn't helping. You were fine with me leaving until the miscarriage. If you think everything's my fault and I'm such a terrible person like you've been saying, then don't talk to me, don't have anything else to do with me. I've told you I'd leave you alone. Even when I called you and wanted you back and I didn't even know you were with someone, you told me on the phone that you were and I said I was sorry for calling but you still wanted to talk to me. You told me you didn't want to be with her and were telling me things about her you didn't like and all of this crap and then after that when you start fussing at me you start holding that against me, too. Saying that you left her for me and you shouldn't have. That was your decision and it's not fair to hold that against me. But yeah, with the way things have been, you shouldn't have and I'm sorry that I ever started talking to you to begin with. For your sake, anyways. You've made it perfectly clear that all I've ever done is put you through shit and ruined your life. All you've been doing lately is calling me a bitch and saying how I'm wrong on everything so I'm not going to bother you anymore and you no longer have anything to worry about :P

Xanosuke2 I am going to give some blunt advice and say that you should call it quits with this woman. First the bad history is already set. Frankly I don't know why you left the other one for her. You should not have taken her back in my opinion. Besides she may want to keep the distance so she can keep something up with someone else. After all you were her second choice. In my opinion end this, now. But that is just my opinion and hey if you don't want it don't ask.

Originally Posted by beast

Xanosuke2 I am going to give some blunt advice and say that you should call it quits with this woman. First the bad history is already set. Frankly I don't know why you left the other one for her. You should not have taken her back in my opinion. Besides she may want to keep the distance so she can keep something up with someone else. After all you were her second choice. In my opinion end this, now. But that is just my opinion and hey if you don't want it don't ask.

He wasn't second choice. The reason I would break up with him so many times before was always from the fussing. I met him online and he started wanting me to move in with him like 2 months later, I wasn't ready for that. And he's still trying to get me to move in with him now and I don't want to when we're still fussing about all of this and when he's calling me the things he is. That's pretty obvious how everything's going to be living together. And there's not someone else :P if I had someone else I don't think I'd be carrying on a relationship with someone that far away that I fuss with every freaking day over this stuff that happened last year. We never solve anything.

Xanosuke2, in light of the recent facts I still say end this soon. Find someone who wants to make you the first thing, not the next thing.

Wow. You both have such harsh feelings towards one another, it sounds like the trust is gone. Honestly it seems like you guys would be better off seeing other people and starting over.

Originally Posted by Scourge

If its little things then arguing is fine, letting it get to a full blown fight is not. Now if you find out that what the other person did was stupid and detrimental to the relationship (cheating and what not) then yes you have every right in getting in their face and fight.

I wouldn't fight about someone cheating because they would be dead to me. I would drop them and never speak to them again. Thats just me though, I guess.

Originally Posted by wrong

He wasn't second choice. The reason I would break up with him so many times before was always from the fussing.

First of all, for 2 years she had been saying she loved some other guy still and what not, and that he never talked to her and she didn't know if she would ever get over him and what not. Secondly, even on my birthday a couple months ago she told me she STILL loved him. So honestly, I know completely that staying with her, putting up with it, and hell even acknowledging her is stupid and plan out dumb. It's not that I want to be right or trying to prove a point, it's the fact I firmly believe that with the right help she can be set down a much better path and shown how messed up her way of thinking is. I honestly love her and wouldn't have put up with all of this for so long if I didn't. Plus like I said earlier, I really didn't want to just throw out a personal problem into this topic, just wanted to debate over a question that me and her had fussed over for a while, considering the root of our problems started with her staying here with people fussing and it making her feel bad.

But anyways, I'm sorry my drama got spilled completely into this, never even planned on her jumping on here and saying all of this ^^; but yeah, my question for this debate has still been standing and haven't been answered other than a round about advice :P

Is it wrong to ask someone to go through some sort of pain for the sake of yourself knowing that the person had treated you badly in the past?

My thoughts on a relationship s that not only do you give things to her (such as driving and other things ( that you be a one way relationship)). I think relationship is a two sided experience. She should also drive out to see you along with your driving to see her. i think that depending on what your or her family says you and her should just ignore sertain things about what they say. If she truly loves you then she can learn to deal with you family. relationships are about sacrifice, change, and giving AND receving.

I just read some of your answers to other peoples answers and i didnt know she had slept with other guys. That "in my book" is a call for and instant end to a relationship. I find sleeping with other people while your in a relationship to be the worst thing that someone can do. If she hadnt done that then i would say to stay with her and try to work things out but with this new light to me i would say to dump her. I consider it that if my g/f or fiance slept around then i could never trust them for as long as i lived.