Shacking up Before Marriage

*zyta* · Sep 23, 2008, 03:20 PM

What are your opinions on this matter? From a religous point of view this can, and probably will, be seen as a sinful act not for the living together part, but the assumptions of living together and how they can get intimate late at night (or during the day). That would go against one of the most old beliefs of keeping yourself 'pure' mind and body for your future spouse.

Others, those usually none religous, but not always non-religous people, tend to shack up and 'test' their future spouse out in all areas, and not just in the bed. They learn if how to live with the other, their limits on annoying habits, and find out some things about that person that you would never probably have assumed before.

So what is your take on this? And, if you're okay with shacking up together, when in their relationship do you find to be an appropriate time to shack up together?

*Peach_follows* · Sep 23, 2008, 04:21 PM

I have had two children out of wedlock, and so it would seem I am ok with the idea of sex before marriage. I certainly think it is more realistic, considering human nature, that we might want to mate before deciding (to help decide) a life partner. I'm not even sure if it is really human nature to HAVE a life partner. Although I think many humans do eventually have a natrual desire for loyalty and commitment. (I don't know if that includes monogamy).

Either way, everyone looks at marriege differently. I think marrige is just a commitment... and to me it doesn't neccessarily need to be a promise made before GOD. I don't really think there needs to be a priest... Isn't everything seen by God? I don't really think marriage has to (or should) involve legalities. So, I really would veiw two people just living together, to be in a marriage. Isn't that how common law marriages are established?

Maybe if a girl is sexually active with several different boyfriends... That could be looked at as several different failed mini mariages. I mean thats really all people do when they marry, divorce, and re-marry.

clover · Sep 24, 2008, 09:05 AM

i think its better than jumping into something that may be later regretted. Sometimes that turns into a bad mistake which is why people tend to get divorced now after a couple of months of marriage, because they dot know how to deal with each other. Well other than the adultry issue.

people always believe that in the old days people would go to a marriage pure, thats not the case like it is now. Alot of people go into marriage already in vast expreince of what goes on, long ago, and now. for a long time in alot of countries and nations just living with someone for any amount of time is marriage. In scotland if standing in front of a crowd as witnesses, and saying your married was enough.

so im fine with people shaking up, its just a commitment to your partner. I dont believe in god so i dont think he oversees marriage all that much, and i dont think you need a piece of paper from a preist or judge to show someone you love them.

*HolderOfTheDarkChalice* · Sep 24, 2008, 09:12 AM

i think it depends if the person or persons that live together are
really prepared because any idiot that wants sx and seomone
to have sex with can move in together . if you marry being
prepared and undertsanding the meaning of living with somone
is a must.

if that made no sence sorry but thats the best way i can desribe it

SweetCandi · Sep 25, 2008, 01:04 PM

yes..i have heard regilions it bad to do that..but i feel if u starting living with the person..u really get to know the person really well. sometimes ppl act a certain way when ur not around ..but if ur around them all the time u know them inside and out

PhoenixSara · Sep 25, 2008, 01:11 PM

if the parties involved are ready then why not. but you have to be absolutely sure since yest it's not a marriage but someone may end up emotionally hurt..... but i find nothing wrong with it.

SleepinggBueaty · Sep 25, 2008, 04:01 PM

I think that if you're in Love and both physically and mentaly stable/ready then yes, you should. it shouldn't be a sin to have sexual intercourse before mariage, but im not Christan, im Agnostic so I wouldn't really know about Christianity anymore then an Athiest person would. good luck with the dission you make.

erosennin · Sep 26, 2008, 02:00 AM

Well, let me say first that I think the actual meaning of the 'don't move in until you're married' taboo is based on the assumption that:
A. A couple that's getting married loves each other
B. Both people know that 'this is the one' and can see themselves with that person indefinitely

Looking at it this way it becomes more of a guideline, which would read more like, "If you love each other and can picture being together as old wrinkly fogies, go ahead". I don't disagree with that interpretation. I do disagree with the interpretation that proposes that somehow marriage itself is the end all, be all of the living together equation.

Marriage has nothing to do with love, nothing to do with anyone's ability to live with another person, and frankly it has nothing to do with religion. Atheists still fall in love, and lo and behold, they even get married! Why? Because marriage is a thing, a word; it's a description of a bond that we've twisted into theology and legality. The bond of love can exist independently of marriage, and marriage can exist completely devoid of love.

With this in mind, exactly what bearing does marriage have on a couple moving in together? The simple answer is it has none. It's wrong to assume that a couple moving in together is just testing the waters before they decide to get married. They don't have to get married at all! Ooooh! Shocker! If you don't believe in the institution and you don't care about the legal benefits, why bother? Is your love diminished if you both believe marriage is a farce?

edit:
I should mention that I am, in fact, engaged. I'm not anti marriage, but I am anti BS, which marriage as a religious institution and the whole fire and brimstone for deviating reek of.

Darkened_Star · Sep 26, 2008, 02:32 AM

Personaly I do not care. Considering I am currently living with my fiance, I fall in place of getting with a person before marrige. My family has spread rumors about, and many of them don't speak to me much because of the fact I'm leaving with a man (mostly the bible belt part). I have been told it's a good idea to live with the guy to see if we get along "alone" before we waste money on a marrige that might not last (therefore having to pay for a divorce as well). At the same time I was told to wait until I was married (but not really givin a reason why other than it is a sin). I think it is personal preference.

*NevesElocin* · Sep 26, 2008, 07:53 AM

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It gives you the chance to get to know

each other better before taking the big step towards marriage. It lets you find out the

other person's faults and lets you see theirs in full focus. To me its a very good thing.

Although I can understand why some religious people would be against it. But to honest

aren't people having sex when they're not married OR living together? If its gonna

happen its gonna happen. Whether your living together or not has no great effect on

the outcome.

*Arrianna* · Sep 26, 2008, 05:42 PM

That depends on whether you want to be married or if you just want to drift from relationship to relationship throughout your life. If the second why would you care?

BUT if you want to be married and to have a chance at a lasting relationship it is a very bad idea.

Why? Because most people who live together first do NOT get married. Of those who do, yes, it is seen as a stepping stone in their relationship. However for the vast majority who don't once the relationship falls apart it has profound consequences on future relationships and stability. Put simply if you shack up and don't get married chances are you either never will or you will be scarred by the relationship and carry those scars into future relationships making it that much harder for you to trust others long term.

SO for those who do shack up and then get married... why not just get married in the first place? For the rest why put yourself through that kind of trauma when you can just say "no"?

Lets also not forget girls (are there are any others left on the forum), as most guys can attest, why should they put their name and money on the line for that kind of commitment when they can get what they want anyway? Shack up with a guy and they have no incentive to pony up. I can't tell you the number of women I know who shacked up only to tell me "I wish he would ask me to marry him" but the guy never brings it up unless he's convincing them to stay. They're just dangling a carrot in from of the cart so the girl will stick around and give them sex. Yeah there are exceptions and I am happy for them but they are few and far between.

Sep 23, 2008, 03:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
zyta Happy Birthday Aya! Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Lional - You will not find it unless I finish making it Posts: 559 Thanks: 6 Thanked 22 Times in 21 Posts Credits: 31,043	Shacking up Before Marriage What are your opinions on this matter? From a religous point of view this can, and probably will, be seen as a sinful act not for the living together part, but the assumptions of living together and how they can get intimate late at night (or during the day). That would go against one of the most old beliefs of keeping yourself 'pure' mind and body for your future spouse. Others, those usually none religous, but not always non-religous people, tend to shack up and 'test' their future spouse out in all areas, and not just in the bed. They learn if how to live with the other, their limits on annoying habits, and find out some things about that person that you would never probably have assumed before. So what is your take on this? And, if you're okay with shacking up together, when in their relationship do you find to be an appropriate time to shack up together? __________________ \|Kokikko\|\|Mahirutei\|\|Sakura\|\|Aya\|\|Capura\|\|News\|\|RP\|\|SOTW\|\|ZONE\|
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Sep 23, 2008, 04:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
Peach_follows Moving right along.... Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Friendly Fridley Posts: 1,165 Thanks: 62 Thanked 64 Times in 56 Posts Credits: 3,501	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage I have had two children out of wedlock, and so it would seem I am ok with the idea of sex before marriage. I certainly think it is more realistic, considering human nature, that we might want to mate before deciding (to help decide) a life partner. I'm not even sure if it is really human nature to HAVE a life partner. Although I think many humans do eventually have a natrual desire for loyalty and commitment. (I don't know if that includes monogamy). Either way, everyone looks at marriege differently. I think marrige is just a commitment... and to me it doesn't neccessarily need to be a promise made before GOD. I don't really think there needs to be a priest... Isn't everything seen by God? I don't really think marriage has to (or should) involve legalities. So, I really would veiw two people just living together, to be in a marriage. Isn't that how common law marriages are established? Maybe if a girl is sexually active with several different boyfriends... That could be looked at as several different failed mini mariages. I mean thats really all people do when they marry, divorce, and re-marry. __________________ If you don't like my peaches. Don't shake my tree. http://www.myspace.com/j1gg481tt Last edited by Peach_follows; Sep 25, 2008 at 01:33 PM. Reason: to two too?
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Sep 24, 2008, 09:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
clover Otaku Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: jumping off the next banwagon ^_~* Posts: 115 Thanks: 0 Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts Credits: 5,921	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage i think its better than jumping into something that may be later regretted. Sometimes that turns into a bad mistake which is why people tend to get divorced now after a couple of months of marriage, because they dot know how to deal with each other. Well other than the adultry issue. people always believe that in the old days people would go to a marriage pure, thats not the case like it is now. Alot of people go into marriage already in vast expreince of what goes on, long ago, and now. for a long time in alot of countries and nations just living with someone for any amount of time is marriage. In scotland if standing in front of a crowd as witnesses, and saying your married was enough. so im fine with people shaking up, its just a commitment to your partner. I dont believe in god so i dont think he oversees marriage all that much, and i dont think you need a piece of paper from a preist or judge to show someone you love them. __________________ Meallach meadhan-oidhche olc "You can try and make feel stupid or sad, for things I say and do, but you'll only get mad, because I'll just laugh at you."
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Sep 24, 2008, 09:12 AM	#4 (permalink)
HolderOfTheDarkChalice Tournaments Won: 1 King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above Posts: 2,839 Thanks: 34 Thanked 33 Times in 31 Posts Credits: 5,609	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage i think it depends if the person or persons that live together are really prepared because any idiot that wants sx and seomone to have sex with can move in together . if you marry being prepared and undertsanding the meaning of living with somone is a must. if that made no sence sorry but thats the best way i can desribe it __________________
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Sep 25, 2008, 01:04 PM	#5 (permalink)
SweetCandi Otaku Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: ..where dreams come true.. Posts: 245 Thanks: 66 Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts Credits: 11,390	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage yes..i have heard regilions it bad to do that..but i feel if u starting living with the person..u really get to know the person really well. sometimes ppl act a certain way when ur not around ..but if ur around them all the time u know them inside and out __________________ (\__/) (^.^) (_--_)-meow-
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Sep 25, 2008, 01:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
PhoenixSara Fallen Angel Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: I am located in your imagination.....and dreams *** Posts: 717 Thanks: 30 Thanked 46 Times in 43 Posts Credits: 27,889	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage if the parties involved are ready then why not. but you have to be absolutely sure since yest it's not a marriage but someone may end up emotionally hurt..... but i find nothing wrong with it. __________________ Angels are not supposed to fall in-love, unfortunately this one did. Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader PhoenixSara Myspace / Click Me/Atlantis RPG/Rules and FAQ/MY BLOG / AF
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Sep 25, 2008, 04:01 PM	#7 (permalink)
SleepinggBueaty Newbie Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 4 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 97	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage I think that if you're in Love and both physically and mentaly stable/ready then yes, you should. it shouldn't be a sin to have sexual intercourse before mariage, but im not Christan, im Agnostic so I wouldn't really know about Christianity anymore then an Athiest person would. good luck with the dission you make. __________________ Love, Arura The Sleeping Bueaty ♥
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Sep 26, 2008, 02:00 AM	#8 (permalink)
erosennin Otaku Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 150 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 2,081	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage Well, let me say first that I think the actual meaning of the 'don't move in until you're married' taboo is based on the assumption that: A. A couple that's getting married loves each other B. Both people know that 'this is the one' and can see themselves with that person indefinitely Looking at it this way it becomes more of a guideline, which would read more like, "If you love each other and can picture being together as old wrinkly fogies, go ahead". I don't disagree with that interpretation. I do disagree with the interpretation that proposes that somehow marriage itself is the end all, be all of the living together equation. Marriage has nothing to do with love, nothing to do with anyone's ability to live with another person, and frankly it has nothing to do with religion. Atheists still fall in love, and lo and behold, they even get married! Why? Because marriage is a thing, a word; it's a description of a bond that we've twisted into theology and legality. The bond of love can exist independently of marriage, and marriage can exist completely devoid of love. With this in mind, exactly what bearing does marriage have on a couple moving in together? The simple answer is it has none. It's wrong to assume that a couple moving in together is just testing the waters before they decide to get married. They don't have to get married at all! Ooooh! Shocker! If you don't believe in the institution and you don't care about the legal benefits, why bother? Is your love diminished if you both believe marriage is a farce? edit: I should mention that I am, in fact, engaged. I'm not anti marriage, but I am anti BS, which marriage as a religious institution and the whole fire and brimstone for deviating reek of. Last edited by erosennin; Sep 26, 2008 at 02:11 AM.
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Sep 26, 2008, 02:32 AM	#9 (permalink)
Darkened_Star Otaku Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Earth Posts: 355 Thanks: 6 Thanked 8 Times in 7 Posts Credits: 5,571	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage Personaly I do not care. Considering I am currently living with my fiance, I fall in place of getting with a person before marrige. My family has spread rumors about, and many of them don't speak to me much because of the fact I'm leaving with a man (mostly the bible belt part). I have been told it's a good idea to live with the guy to see if we get along "alone" before we waste money on a marrige that might not last (therefore having to pay for a divorce as well). At the same time I was told to wait until I was married (but not really givin a reason why other than it is a sin). I think it is personal preference. __________________ The Anime Haven AW Designs Anime Wonders
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Sep 26, 2008, 07:53 AM	#10 (permalink)
NevesElocin ~The Mistress~ Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hell Posts: 748 Thanks: 36 Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts Credits: 12,492	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It gives you the chance to get to know each other better before taking the big step towards marriage. It lets you find out the other person's faults and lets you see theirs in full focus. To me its a very good thing. Although I can understand why some religious people would be against it. But to honest aren't people having sex when they're not married OR living together? If its gonna happen its gonna happen. Whether your living together or not has no great effect on the outcome. __________________ Our love will go on until the end of time. I will always be yours and you will be mine.
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Sep 26, 2008, 05:42 PM	#11 (permalink)
Arrianna Lady Barronmore Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 3,110 Thanks: 13 Thanked 65 Times in 55 Posts Credits: 47,761	Re: Shacking up Before Marriage That depends on whether you want to be married or if you just want to drift from relationship to relationship throughout your life. If the second why would you care? BUT if you want to be married and to have a chance at a lasting relationship it is a very bad idea. Why? Because most people who live together first do NOT get married. Of those who do, yes, it is seen as a stepping stone in their relationship. However for the vast majority who don't once the relationship falls apart it has profound consequences on future relationships and stability. Put simply if you shack up and don't get married chances are you either never will or you will be scarred by the relationship and carry those scars into future relationships making it that much harder for you to trust others long term. SO for those who do shack up and then get married... why not just get married in the first place? For the rest why put yourself through that kind of trauma when you can just say "no"? Lets also not forget girls (are there are any others left on the forum), as most guys can attest, why should they put their name and money on the line for that kind of commitment when they can get what they want anyway? Shack up with a guy and they have no incentive to pony up. I can't tell you the number of women I know who shacked up only to tell me "I wish he would ask me to marry him" but the guy never brings it up unless he's convincing them to stay. They're just dangling a carrot in from of the cart so the girl will stick around and give them sex. Yeah there are exceptions and I am happy for them but they are few and far between. __________________ l Stone Hold l Now We're Cooking! l Thanks to Kaos for the awesome sig!
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