+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3
Results 17 to 22 of 22

Thread: Shacking up Before Marriage

  1. #17
    Ecchi Enthusiast Classic Donkey Kong Champion, Balloon Bomber Champion, Fishing Impossible Champion, Festival Of History : Archery Champion, Dare Devil Champion, Little Monkey Does Champion, Dragon Champion, Barty Champion, Cheesy Champion, Chicken Attack Champion, Moo Lander Champion, Hang Stan Champion, Hangaroo Champion, Sentenced Champion, Canadair Champion Miroku4444 may be famous one day Miroku4444 may be famous one day Miroku4444's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Missouri, USA
    Posts
    3,339
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 26 Times in 25 Posts

    Re: Shacking up Before Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Arrianna View Post
    Load of crock. You can get to know someone well without living with them. All living with them shows is their little quirks, just the sort of traits you just said you wouldn't dump them for. Meet their family, spend time alone, get them out of their comfort zone, there are other options then moving in to an open relationship with no incentive not to move on the instant your annoyed or unhappy and you will be, no relationship goes smoothly. Saying you won't marry them without moving in first just shows that you place more importance on your personal pleasure then the other person or a desire to get all the benefits without commitment.

    Commitment, if you have it you don't need a "test" that can and often does set a pattern for the rest of your life.


    Example: They live together for years have one or more children but he never actually commits to marriage even though he knows she wants to be since he knows she's not going anywhere.

    My example is the most often result, yours is the exception and one of the legitimate reasons for divorce. She can leave married or not.
    In some cases yes, but not in all. Some people you just have to live with 24/7 to find what there about. He may have the family snowed, and still not show his true colors even when hes not in his comfort zone. Also i would move in with someone, just to move on the instant i'm annoyed or unhappy. If i wanted to do that i would just date Her. It would be because i truly love that person and think marriage is a true possibility.


    "Saying you won't marry them without moving in first just shows that you place more importance on your personal pleasure then the other person or a desire to get all the benefits without commitment"


    No it just shows i want to truely know them before hand, and if i know i wont be happy it will never work, and thats not fair to her.


    But without the test(living together), how do you really know you can make that commitment work? Living together it the only TRUE way to find that out.

  2. #18
    Lady Barronmore Arrianna has become well known Arrianna has become well known Arrianna has become well known Arrianna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    3,259
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 140 Times in 108 Posts

    Re: Shacking up Before Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Miroku4444 View Post
    But without the test(living together), how do you really know you can make that commitment work?
    By DOing it. No matter what you do to prepare yourself you won't TRULY know if you can make it work until you actually do it. As someone who has been in a committed relationship (for over a *cough* decade) I can tell you that it is the day by day work that makes a lasting relationship. It's not deciding whether you mind if they snore or if the sex is stupendous. A lasting relationship is made of ups and downs. Days you want to never talk again but stay anyway and days when you can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else. The only proof is in the doing not playing at it until you make up your mind.

    So I say again, if you want to be married just do it. If you play around instead and get involved with someone who doesn't want the same thing you do you will just get burned and chances are very good you will never get the "I do". However if you don't care about marriage then it doesn't matter.

    l Stone Hold l Now We're Cooking! l Thanks to Kaos for the awesome sig!

  3. #19
    Otaku Tetris Champion, Ms Pacman Champion, Trivial Blitz Champion Mechazawa is off to a good start Mechazawa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Inside my mind
    Posts
    336
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts

    Re: Shacking up Before Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Arrianna View Post
    A lasting relationship is made of ups and downs. Days you want to never talk again but stay anyway and days when you can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else.
    That’s complacency, making lemonade into lemons, the road to indifference and all.

    The only proof is in the doing not playing at it until you make up your mind.
    So I say again, if you want to be married just do it. If you play around instead and get involved with someone who doesn't want the same thing you do you will just get burned and chances are very good you will never get the "I do".
    You must be a firm believer in the statistic of over half of all new marriages end in divorce. Gotta keep those numbers high and rising huh? Some people just aren't supposed to be together and it’s better to find that out before you get hitched, because getting married is easy. Getting un-married isn't.

    Playing at it? Just like everything in life, you have to crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and run before you get married. (bwahahahahahaha).

    It’s better to test the waters end up getting a little burned than boiled alive.

    However if you don't care about marriage then it doesn't matter.
    You can still care about marriage, but maybe just maybe look at it with more sense than God gave a goose.

    <Hoping he hasn't missed the talk of abstinence before marriage.
    I BELONG TO AN ANGEL NOW!

  4. #20
    Lady Barronmore Arrianna has become well known Arrianna has become well known Arrianna has become well known Arrianna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    3,259
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 140 Times in 108 Posts

    Re: Shacking up Before Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Mechazawa View Post
    That’s complacency, making lemonade into lemons, the road to indifference and all.
    No that is commitment. No relationship is perfect just as no person is, they all have bad times as well as good. As long as there is not abuse or disloyalty (adultery) the key is staying together until things swing around to the good again and they do. In fact the longer the relationship lasts the better it gets each time. Bailing the instant you are dissatisfied is shallow and selfish and shows a lack of commitment. If you are not willing to commit then don't get married. But don't shack up and think that eventually you will commit either. That's called being delusional.



    Quote Originally Posted by Mechazawa View Post
    You must be a firm believer in the statistic of over half of all new marriages end in divorce.
    bzzt. Modern myth. One year there was as many divorces as recorded marriages performed. ie, as many people got divorced as got married. That did not count the number of people already married and it was one year over 20 years ago. The fact is a high percentage (something like 70&#37; but I can't remember exactly) of individuals who get married stay married. What skews the statistics is the repeat marriages. The people who get married and divorced and married and divorced etc. Sooo which percentage do you wish to be a part of? The ones willing to commit and work hard for a lasting relationship or the ones stuck in a pattern of infatuation-dissatisfaction-quitting-loneliness-infatuation their entire life? The choice is yours and is determined by your attitude and actions.

    l Stone Hold l Now We're Cooking! l Thanks to Kaos for the awesome sig!

  5. #21
    Otaku erosennin may be famous one day erosennin may be famous one day erosennin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Redmond
    Posts
    157
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Re: Shacking up Before Marriage

    There are a lot of factors which effect a relationship. In my personal opinion, if you really love someone and you've been together for a few years, you should pop the question. At the same time, to err is human. The just do it attitude is great if you absolutely know that you want to be with a person for the rest of your life. Most young people don't seem to realize, however, that if you ever have to ask yourself if you're in love, YOU'RE NOT. Then they get married, then they get divorced. Love is something you know, not wonder about.

    Now, one could argue that you could discover that you don't actually love someone without living with them. The crazy thing is, they're right. You don't have to live with someone to know if you love them or not. However, if you have reached the knowing love stage in your relationship, moving in together before you're married isn't going to change that. The only difference between a married and unmarried couple is a legal contract, and frankly I would argue that the loving married couple doesn't need it to stay together.

    Like Arianna said, it is all mentality, emotion, and attitude. However, I would have to strongly disagree that marriage has anything to do with any of those things. I say that because successful married couples seem to have all of those things before they get married. Marriage doesn't provide it to them. Marriage is not a sign of commitment. It's a legal contract, sure, but that just makes it scarier to split up, and if your marriage is being held up solely by the contract, it means you're marriage is based on fear and not love.

    It just boggles my mind. I don't disagree with the qualities of the successful married couple and what makes them that way. However, marriage is a thing, a contract, a word. We use it to describe relationships and emotional states that all humans are capable of without being officially married, then attribute successful relationships to it. It's a falsehood.

    Now, seriously kids, 'cause I know there's a lot of young folks that read these threads. Don't use this as an excuse to move out with your deadbeat boyfriend straight out of high school from your parents' house.

    There is one thing to keep in mind about this taboo that you should keep in mind, even with all my railing against it. It's there to protect you. Doesn't mean it can't be wrong or misinterpreted, but the overall message is sound.

    Don't move in with just some schmuck you think you might potentially kinda sorta like. The successful unmarried couple living together has the same mindset and loving relationship as the married one, and that's the key.

  6. #22
    Newbie Hysteria is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    South Australia
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Re: Shacking up Before Marriage

    I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't lived with first. I wouldn't want to get married and then realise I couldn't live with my husband.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3

Similar Threads

  1. Is it gay marriage if...
    By Rook in forum Debate and Discuss
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: Oct 10, 2008, 08:53 PM
  2. Sex Before Marriage
    By The White Wolf in forum Debate and Discuss
    Replies: 138
    Last Post: Jun 18, 2007, 10:43 AM
  3. Marriage: A go-go, or a no-no?
    By The White Wolf in forum Cyber Lounge
    Replies: 62
    Last Post: Mar 22, 2007, 03:19 PM
  4. Sex before marriage?
    By Yuki-Hime in forum Debate and Discuss
    Replies: 249
    Last Post: Jun 19, 2006, 08:02 AM
  5. Marriage
    By kedar in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: Feb 07, 2006, 12:30 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts