Thread: Shacking up Before Marriage

Originally Posted by Miroku4444

But without the test(living together), how do you really know you can make that commitment work?

By DOing it. No matter what you do to prepare yourself you won't TRULY know if you can make it work until you actually do it. As someone who has been in a committed relationship (for over a *cough* decade) I can tell you that it is the day by day work that makes a lasting relationship. It's not deciding whether you mind if they snore or if the sex is stupendous. A lasting relationship is made of ups and downs. Days you want to never talk again but stay anyway and days when you can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else. The only proof is in the doing not playing at it until you make up your mind.

So I say again, if you want to be married just do it. If you play around instead and get involved with someone who doesn't want the same thing you do you will just get burned and chances are very good you will never get the "I do". However if you don't care about marriage then it doesn't matter.

Originally Posted by Arrianna

A lasting relationship is made of ups and downs. Days you want to never talk again but stay anyway and days when you can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

That’s complacency, making lemonade into lemons, the road to indifference and all.

The only proof is in the doing not playing at it until you make up your mind.
So I say again, if you want to be married just do it. If you play around instead and get involved with someone who doesn't want the same thing you do you will just get burned and chances are very good you will never get the "I do".

You must be a firm believer in the statistic of over half of all new marriages end in divorce. Gotta keep those numbers high and rising huh? Some people just aren't supposed to be together and it’s better to find that out before you get hitched, because getting married is easy. Getting un-married isn't.

Playing at it? Just like everything in life, you have to crawl before you walk, walk before you run, and run before you get married. (bwahahahahahaha).

It’s better to test the waters end up getting a little burned than boiled alive.

However if you don't care about marriage then it doesn't matter.

You can still care about marriage, but maybe just maybe look at it with more sense than God gave a goose.

<Hoping he hasn't missed the talk of abstinence before marriage.

Originally Posted by Mechazawa

That’s complacency, making lemonade into lemons, the road to indifference and all.

No that is commitment. No relationship is perfect just as no person is, they all have bad times as well as good. As long as there is not abuse or disloyalty (adultery) the key is staying together until things swing around to the good again and they do. In fact the longer the relationship lasts the better it gets each time. Bailing the instant you are dissatisfied is shallow and selfish and shows a lack of commitment. If you are not willing to commit then don't get married. But don't shack up and think that eventually you will commit either. That's called being delusional.

Originally Posted by Mechazawa

You must be a firm believer in the statistic of over half of all new marriages end in divorce.

bzzt. Modern myth. One year there was as many divorces as recorded marriages performed. ie, as many people got divorced as got married. That did not count the number of people already married and it was one year over 20 years ago. The fact is a high percentage (something like 70&#37; but I can't remember exactly) of individuals who get married stay married. What skews the statistics is the repeat marriages. The people who get married and divorced and married and divorced etc. Sooo which percentage do you wish to be a part of? The ones willing to commit and work hard for a lasting relationship or the ones stuck in a pattern of infatuation-dissatisfaction-quitting-loneliness-infatuation their entire life? The choice is yours and is determined by your attitude and actions.

There are a lot of factors which effect a relationship. In my personal opinion, if you really love someone and you've been together for a few years, you should pop the question. At the same time, to err is human. The just do it attitude is great if you absolutely know that you want to be with a person for the rest of your life. Most young people don't seem to realize, however, that if you ever have to ask yourself if you're in love, YOU'RE NOT. Then they get married, then they get divorced. Love is something you know, not wonder about.

Now, one could argue that you could discover that you don't actually love someone without living with them. The crazy thing is, they're right. You don't have to live with someone to know if you love them or not. However, if you have reached the knowing love stage in your relationship, moving in together before you're married isn't going to change that. The only difference between a married and unmarried couple is a legal contract, and frankly I would argue that the loving married couple doesn't need it to stay together.

Like Arianna said, it is all mentality, emotion, and attitude. However, I would have to strongly disagree that marriage has anything to do with any of those things. I say that because successful married couples seem to have all of those things before they get married. Marriage doesn't provide it to them. Marriage is not a sign of commitment. It's a legal contract, sure, but that just makes it scarier to split up, and if your marriage is being held up solely by the contract, it means you're marriage is based on fear and not love.

It just boggles my mind. I don't disagree with the qualities of the successful married couple and what makes them that way. However, marriage is a thing, a contract, a word. We use it to describe relationships and emotional states that all humans are capable of without being officially married, then attribute successful relationships to it. It's a falsehood.

Now, seriously kids, 'cause I know there's a lot of young folks that read these threads. Don't use this as an excuse to move out with your deadbeat boyfriend straight out of high school from your parents' house.

There is one thing to keep in mind about this taboo that you should keep in mind, even with all my railing against it. It's there to protect you. Doesn't mean it can't be wrong or misinterpreted, but the overall message is sound.

Don't move in with just some schmuck you think you might potentially kinda sorta like. The successful unmarried couple living together has the same mindset and loving relationship as the married one, and that's the key.

I wouldn't marry someone I hadn't lived with first. I wouldn't want to get married and then realise I couldn't live with my husband.