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haha the last line of that poem was very funny. lol
The poem is pretty good, though I think it's just too much a bad attempt to rhyme... and what is ochre? lol I don't know that color.
I wrote this poem, while i was thinking why anime girls have different eyes. Thanks for reading this poem, also you can post comments and criticisms. ^^ enjoy! i decided to post it here... because this is one of the poems i'll ever treasure. ^^
Beware of Girls
Beware of girls whose eyes are black
Kiss them once, they’ll turn their back
Beware of girls whose eyes are blue
Kiss them once they’ll ask for two.
Beware of girls whose eyes are brown,
Kiss them once, they’ll make you frown
Beware of girls whose eyes are brass,
Kiss them once they’ll roll in grass.
Beware of girls whose eyes are green,
Kiss them once they’ll turn mean,
Beware of girls whose eyes are gold,
Kiss them once they’ll make you bold.
Beware of girls whose eyes are orange,
Kiss them once, you’ll end up in a cage
Beware of girls whose eyes are ochre,
Kiss them once, they’ll call for their brother.
Beware of girls whose eyes are pink,
Kiss them once, they’ll make your heart sink
Beware of girls whose are peach,
Kiss them once, they’ll make you screech.
Beware of girls whose eyes are sapphire,
Kiss them once, they’ll burn you with fire
Beware of girls whose eyes are silver,
Kiss them once, they’ll make you shiver.
Beware of girls whose eyes are purple,
Kiss them once, they’ll throw an apple,
Beware of girls whose eyes are violet,
Kiss them once, they’ll ask another set.
Beware of girls whose eyes are grey,
Kiss them once, they’ll make you stay.
Beware of girls whose are maroon,
Kiss them once, you’ll be flying to the moon
Beware of girls whose eyes are yellow,
Kiss them once, they’ll always follow
But beware of girls whose eyes are red,
Kiss them once, you’ll end up in bed.
Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^
The poem is pretty good, though I think it's just too much a bad attempt to rhyme... and what is ochre? lol I don't know that color.
i agree a little with BS96, but the pnly parts that had trouble were the colors that could not rhyme. ^_^ i think when you're faced with that problem, it'd be best to find words that go with the beat of your poem.
besides that, i think it's very good! creative as well! haven't seen one like this before!
waheheh! thanks Bright and Abu Dhabi for commenting on my poem. yes, i had a problem about the colors and the words that might rhyme unto them. somewhat i felt that the words are just put together . ^^
i was trying to write a nursery rhyme??? whehehe! i was thinking of all possible colors... too many i suppose...
Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^
is this the 2nd edition of anime girl eyes???
if its is both are so awesome!
perdoname michelle!
Beware of girls whose eyes are gold,
Kiss them once they’ll make you bold.
But beware of girls whose eyes are red,
Kiss them once, you’ll end up in bed.
I like these two xD
But I agree as well that some seemed forced upon. I think to make it better, you could also try to variate the "Beware of girls whose eyes are..." and "kiss them once(or twice)" maybe by another part of similar meaning.
Watch out for
Look out for
Be careful for
etc...
It may not be easy to find enough for your rhyme, but alternation more words could make it sound more worked upon. I think you put a lot of effort and you always seem to find the right image to go with the writings you make, I'm glad your in the poetry/fanfic clan as I can appreciate your work in all the same spot
Originally Posted by Soldat of life
Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME
@Baal: no, it is not the second edition... heheh.. this is the original 1... heheh
@Maxime: thanks for commenting also, i'll keep in mind what you said. thanks ^^
Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^
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