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Thread: Beautifully Silent

  1. #1
    丹色 月影 BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96's Avatar
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    Beautifully Silent

    I am not sure what this would be called. A poem, a sonnet, a short story, a memoir... well, whatever it is, it's still literature. And, somewhere in my mind, I believe this to be true, in ways. Enjoy...

    It's a beautiful day.... isn't it? The sun is clouded, the birds are silent... it was once even more beautiful... when it was raining.. but it stopped.... the clouds are still beautifully silent... beautifully dreary.. hanging in the air with their feathered texture...

    I've been seeing alot of ambulances lately... two in one week... I wonder what's happening... Curiosity is funny.. isn't it? It killed the cat... or so they say... Human curiosity is very strange... It's the key to an extroardinary will power that most can not control... Curiosity............. leads to disaster....

    My family has been frustrated with me... since I'm going to a concert with a friend.. out of state... They're caring too much....... I want them to go away... I want them all to go away... Why won't they leave me alone? What does the world hold against someone... someone who is too complicated to understand? Too strange for anyone to get.... This is where curiosity ends... when something is too complicated... when this happens.... people banish the existence of the complication... in any way possible....

    But the clouds are quite friendy.. we seem to understand.... They are just too ignorant... too stubborn to think... to comtemplate where life is going..... But.. there is another... who has the potential to see......... she will be able to join me in the clouds... and see their true nature... Human nature.... the clouds and I have described human nature.... described it in adjectives................ stubborn... lazy... angry... curious... selfish... hateful... destructive... and unchanging...... humans will not change... they can not change... for they are stubborn..... and lazy..... and since they are lazy.. they will not help others.... making them selfish... and eventually.. they begin to get bored.... curious..... once they find what they have been looking for... the answers to problems and conflicts.... they are too stubborn to change their thoughts... so they become angry... hateful... after so long... they will become destructive... and destroy all hope of change.... such is human nature....

    But she seems to understand... understand that our unified thoughts will lead to our deaths... and we do not learn... we are just an echo of the romans... they died from their stubborn thoughts... but we are too stubborn to learn from history.. those who do not learn from history... are doomed to repeat it... an old british saying.... a wise saying....... Soon.. we will all be silent though... beautifully silent..........

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Beautifully Silent

    I read hlaf of it. Personally? I hate it when writers overuse the dots. You can emphasize something without bloody dots.

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  3. #3
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: Beautifully Silent

    It's... hmm...

    You're definetly saying something... but i didn't see how your going to an out-of-state concert would lead you to contemplate the faults of man.

    ^_^ personally, i think you would have very bad parents if they didn't care where you went. clouds drift with the wind, no one pays them mind until they get in the way of something.

  4. #4
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
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    Re: Beautifully Silent

    It doesn't look like a poem anymore. I agree with kasai,don't overuse the dots because the readers might get time you make something,be sure of what the others will say or comment,okay?

  5. #5
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Beautifully Silent

    The dots were distracting. I understand you wanted to have the feeling of thought. But it was used so much it threw off my desire to read everything in your thought. It was a good, how should you say journal entry maybe. You could have gone into more detail. Unless you were going for the fleeting thought setup. I'm not sure how to critique this really. It was interesting.

    And ambulances must be rare where you are. I see or hear at least 2 a day just going back and forth to work. If i am driving around town, i can see or hear at least 4.

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  6. #6
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: Beautifully Silent

    I've heard people thinking like this, I've listened to people speak like this and well, watched people think like this. Not everyone can express themselves when something goes bad. Often what happens are quite strange ways of thinking and as you say no one understands you, people get angry and try even less to understand you. I say let it drift, not go, just drift and try to go on in life. If you can't go on, take a break if you can. If you can't take a break, well, doyour best and try to make the right decisions.

    I'm verycurious myself, asking questions that often cannot be answered by those I if no one tends to even try to asnwer the questions I ask that occasionally are obvious, yet not quite true in reality. People imagine what they want, not what you think. That can really piss some people off, and I've met someone who wanted me to understand something and she still can't make me fully understand her. This is a strange curiosity to have, trying to understand someone you cannot understand (which isn't probably that good and I always end up letting it go as holding on a stick while someone else will never stop pulling doesn't really make things go forward).

    Soooooo, I may not have put all the possible examples, but in short, I don't mind lots of dots, I'm a dot person myself, but let's say I wait for just the right time to explode a shower of dots :P

    Bye now XD
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