Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Childhood

  1. #1
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Mr. Foxie's Den...
    Posts
    1,695
    Thanks
    78
    Thanked 42 Times in 37 Posts

    Childhood

    singing
    dancing
    lip-syncing
    butt-shaking

    11
    12
    13

    on and on
    on and on
    on and on

    the songs would play
    on
    my little stereo

    Reapeat-1
    Reapeat-All
    Random

    They were larger than life
    they were the ones
    i wanted it that way

    but i moved on
    to things new and old
    music to grow to

    now they've moved on
    to things new and old
    new lives to live

    i'm sad, but happy
    something ended,
    something began

    i'm happy for the times we spent
    the songs we sang
    the dances we danced

    good bye
    see you again
    i'll be listening to that song later

    just a little sad i couldn't drag SOshi to one of your shows...

    ^_^ i had to get that off my chest... it's not much of anything... but i feel better now.... so shut up! i read your stuff! okay! ... ^_^!

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Childhood

    Hmm. The short stanzas arent appealing ot the eye. In fact, the shor stanzas, no capitalization, no punctuation, and little to no description... Makes me not want to read the poem.

    I think there should be more to a poem than words and and subject matter. There should be tricks of the trade, and some sort of imagery.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    丹色 月影 BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    The piano. ♫ | ♩
    Posts
    684
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

    Re: Childhood

    The little description makes it kinda hard to understand.. and the three-ined stanzas aren't very appealing..

  4. #4
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Mr. Foxie's Den...
    Posts
    1,695
    Thanks
    78
    Thanked 42 Times in 37 Posts

    Re: Childhood

    =_= i'm sorry... this is no where near my best... i wasn't really trying to make it "a poem"... but... i'm sorry... i just felt that this was the only place where i could just let loose my heart in any way it went...

    ^_^ i didn't even know anyone would read it... i'm sorry, i meant no offense... just had to get it off my chest, ya know? maybe i'll re-write the poem with suntax in mind...

  5. #5
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    I get bored easily
    Posts
    523
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Childhood

    That was cute. Sounded like you were referring to Backstreet Boys. But a cute little poem.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  6. #6
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Childhood

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu Dhabi View Post
    =_= i'm sorry... this is no where near my best... i wasn't really trying to make it "a poem"... but... i'm sorry... i just felt that this was the only place where i could just let loose my heart in any way it went...

    ^_^ i didn't even know anyone would read it... i'm sorry, i meant no offense... just had to get it off my chest, ya know? maybe i'll re-write the poem with suntax in mind...
    Yes! Keep writing what's from the heart!!!! Please, do not stop or repress anything.
    Seduced by Flesh


  7. #7
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    247
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Childhood

    That would rather be nice if it were a song...but next time do it better,I know you can do it. ^_^

Similar Threads

  1. what was you childhood game.........
    By equinn in forum The Chat Forum
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: Jul 03, 2006, 09:36 AM
  2. Childhood toys
    By Melanic in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: Dec 03, 2004, 06:28 PM
  3. Childhood Heors and your Heros today
    By Phoenix of Love in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: Nov 08, 2004, 04:10 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts