Darkness

BlueFox1 · Oct 04, 2006, 04:34 AM

Darkness

It's cold, dark
A place so deep that light can not penatrate
My fears are closing in
The pain is growing, surrounding me I can't breath.

Someone help me please
Anyone, someone I can't feel my heart is broken
My wings have been torn
Darkness

This pain is like the firey pits of hell
The angels I once saw are now devils.
This can't be heaven
Where am I, what is this place?

Why can't I feel
Who are you? Are you love?
Go away leave me be
I don't want to feel anymore

The sunny days are gone
Days of me loving you past the pain are gone
I can't be the man who loved you anymore.
Leave me Alone!

Let the roses that onced bloomed
Die and a lonely death
Feel no more love or happiness
This is the darkness I feel.

Comments please, I not trying to use any ryhme scheme or anything just letting out some pain.

raja_psyche · Oct 04, 2006, 06:22 AM

A poem entitiled "darkness"
for me that title suits well to the poem.

breath can be changed in to breathe
if you still want to use breath:i can't hold my breath anymore... or something like that...

i liked the idea of the poem. it depicts emotions of feeling left behind... the pain... hurts... and the darkness... of a lost love...

Soldat of life · Oct 05, 2006, 07:10 PM

I agree with raja on this one, and I'd have a poem with the same title I wrote once.....

...but it isn't quite the same kind of darkness....it's not sad, simply the incarnation of darkness instead of the darkness felt inside a heart, which you quite well described. But here it is anyay xD

Darkness

Holy realm that sets us free,
Cruelty that lets us be.
Falsity ruling the obscenity,
Eternally disposing of reality.

Harmony inside controversy,
Slowly falling in misery.
Watery eyes no less guilty,
Nervously staring furtively.

Endless words of no intentions,
The void feeding from true darkness.
Live and die by your actions,
Cry so high as you can try.

HellsPunker · Oct 07, 2006, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueFox1

Darkness

It's cold, dark
A place so deep that light can not penatrate
My fears are closing in
The pain is growing, surrounding me I can't breath.

Someone help me please
Anyone, someone I can't feel my heart is broken
My wings have been torn
Darkness

This pain is like the firey pits of hell
The angels I once saw are now devils.
This can't be heaven
Where am I, what is this place?

Why can't I feel
Who are you? Are you love?
Go away leave me be
I don't want to feel anymore

The sunny days are gone
Days of me loving you past the pain are gone
I can't be the man who loved you anymore.
Leave me Alone!

Let the roses that onced bloomed
Die and a lonely death
Feel no more love or happiness
This is the darkness I feel.

Comments please, I not trying to use any ryhme scheme or anything just letting out some pain.

Very emotional, whatever happened must have been painful, i kindof get where your getting at in your poem only because ive written alot of stuff like that, other then knowing that it came from your pain its very well written, if you dont know it, thought i should let you know that you have great potential!
Sorry for whatever happened, gotta go.
*HellsPunker*

BlueFox1 · Oct 08, 2006, 04:23 AM

Hey HellsPunker,

thanks for the awesome comment, and the person who made me feel this way is someone from my past who contacted me and just made me think of all the pain she put me through.

*Kasai* · Oct 08, 2006, 11:44 AM

Thesaurus can be your bestfriend. I'd like some other word for darkness.

*Baal* · Oct 09, 2006, 07:58 PM

Go away leave me be
I don't want to feel anymore

wow i feel it all! I love this kind of painfull poems keep the good work amigo

Oct 04, 2006, 04:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Darkness Darkness It's cold, dark A place so deep that light can not penatrate My fears are closing in The pain is growing, surrounding me I can't breath. Someone help me please Anyone, someone I can't feel my heart is broken My wings have been torn Darkness This pain is like the firey pits of hell The angels I once saw are now devils. This can't be heaven Where am I, what is this place? Why can't I feel Who are you? Are you love? Go away leave me be I don't want to feel anymore The sunny days are gone Days of me loving you past the pain are gone I can't be the man who loved you anymore. Leave me Alone! Let the roses that onced bloomed Die and a lonely death Feel no more love or happiness This is the darkness I feel. Comments please, I not trying to use any ryhme scheme or anything just letting out some pain. __________________
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Oct 04, 2006, 06:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
raja_psyche Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Pearl of the Orient Posts: 393 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,497	A poem entitiled "darkness" for me that title suits well to the poem. breath can be changed in to breathe if you still want to use breath:i can't hold my breath anymore... or something like that... i liked the idea of the poem. it depicts emotions of feeling left behind... the pain... hurts... and the darkness... of a lost love... __________________ Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^
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Oct 05, 2006, 07:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
Soldat of life RPG Lord and Master/Poet Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Sainte-Foy, Qc (Canada) Posts: 856 Thanks: 1 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts Credits: 4,612	I agree with raja on this one, and I'd have a poem with the same title I wrote once..... ...but it isn't quite the same kind of darkness....it's not sad, simply the incarnation of darkness instead of the darkness felt inside a heart, which you quite well described. But here it is anyay xD Darkness Holy realm that sets us free, Cruelty that lets us be. Falsity ruling the obscenity, Eternally disposing of reality. Harmony inside controversy, Slowly falling in misery. Watery eyes no less guilty, Nervously staring furtively. Endless words of no intentions, The void feeding from true darkness. Live and die by your actions, Cry so high as you can try. __________________ Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^ Poetry Corner
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Oct 08, 2006, 04:23 AM	#5 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Hey HellsPunker, thanks for the awesome comment, and the person who made me feel this way is someone from my past who contacted me and just made me think of all the pain she put me through. __________________
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Oct 08, 2006, 11:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,490	Thesaurus can be your bestfriend. I'd like some other word for darkness. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community!	Anime Online Rulez!

Oct 09, 2006, 07:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
Baal S.E.L - sexy etna lover Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Mayaguez Posts: 1,066 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 309	Go away leave me be I don't want to feel anymore wow i feel it all! I love this kind of painfull poems keep the good work amigo __________________ perdoname michelle!
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