![]() |
| Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community! | Anime Online Rulez! |
| |||||||
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
| | #1 (permalink) |
Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility
Posts: 584
Thanks: 8
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
![]() ![]() Credits: 1,166 | Dream I posted this in the poem and fanfic section but didn't get the kind of constructive criticism I wanted the clan to tell me what they think. All comments are welcomed. You toss and turn and break a sweat Wake up with tears your pillows wet You’re drowning in a river of your hopelessness If only I could save you now There’s got to be some way somehow To let you know how I feel inside Cause it’s so obvious and hard to hide But if you really didn’t care why was I there The color of my eyes the scent of my hair Now I know dreams aren’t reality But it’s so real so real to me I can take a dream and tell you that I love you lady You couldn’t see that I was always there for you Remembering the time we spent together Came true to me one night I had a dream This is not my usual style of writing but I thought I give something new a try!
__________________ |
| Status: Offline
|
| | #2 (permalink) |
Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,745
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
![]() ![]() Credits: 1,380 | Re: Dream Hmm. At first I didnt like the use of the rhyming. But then it grew on me. I like the way the words create a good flow.
__________________ Seduced by Flesh ![]() |
| Status: Offline
|
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
Similar Threads | ||||
| Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
| Dream | Wolf-Isa | Poems | 2 | May 27, 2007 10:11 AM |
| Dream | BlueFox1 | Poems | 15 | Dec 30, 2006 10:24 AM |
| What Do I Dream? | Yaoi-Lover | Poems | 3 | May 17, 2006 03:19 AM |
| Whats your dream job | tob_punk | The Vault | 46 | Oct 14, 2005 07:28 AM |
| Dream | Kikinaki | The Vault | 2 | May 05, 2005 02:42 AM |