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Thread: Dream

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Dream

    I posted this in the poem and fanfic section but didn't get the kind of constructive criticism I wanted the clan to tell me what they think. All comments are welcomed.


    You toss and turn and break a sweat
    Wake up with tears your pillows wet
    You’re drowning in a river of your hopelessness

    If only I could save you now
    There’s got to be some way somehow
    To let you know how I feel inside
    Cause it’s so obvious and hard to hide

    But if you really didn’t care why was I there
    The color of my eyes the scent of my hair
    Now I know dreams aren’t reality
    But it’s so real so real to me

    I can take a dream and tell you that I love you lady
    You couldn’t see that I was always there for you
    Remembering the time we spent together
    Came true to me one night I had a dream

    This is not my usual style of writing but I thought I give something new a try!

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Dream

    Hmm. At first I didnt like the use of the rhyming. But then it grew on me. I like the way the words create a good flow.
    Seduced by Flesh


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