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Thread: I contemplate... oh, you know...

  1. #1
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    I contemplate... oh, you know...

    Once i felt peace.
    it was scary.
    i was there in my body,
    but i felt nothing.

    Everything seemed to exist
    but i could only watch it
    like water.
    i felt like the ocean.

    Being able to see
    the shore, the sky, everything.
    yet unable to do anything,
    touch anything.

    I looked at my Darling Love and felt nothing
    no twidge of emotion.
    i was so scared.
    peace is so scary.

    Emotion comes from chaos,
    Tranquility comes with peace.
    peace is somthing everyone thinks they want
    until they feel it.

    the emptiness.
    the purgatory.
    the eternity.
    the peace.

    i don't like peace, i prefer happiness.

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    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    Very nice. But peace sounds almost like you mean satisfaction or something. Its not a peace i can recognize. Sounds like depression almost. But it was a good poem.

    My fave part is:
    Being able to see
    the shore, the sky, everything.
    yet unable to do anything,
    touch anything.


    It has so much meaning. You can feel the helplessness you are describing.

    But this part can be removed or revised:
    peace is somthing everyone thinks they want
    until they feel it.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

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    Otaku raja_psyche may be famous one day raja_psyche may be famous one day raja_psyche's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    a poem about peace. i'm interested at the theme of the poem and you managed to express what you feel on words. you poem made me identify something about peace *i never thought that peace would be so scary*

    Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    Hmm. Imagery seems to be missing in my opinion.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    peace is somthing everyone thinks they want
    until they feel it.

    This feels strange...I don't think many think peace that way, and particularly not me. I'd definately place another word to express a feeling of absence...as during peace, there can be minor conflicts or good times of any osrts. War or absence of peace is quite viloent is what I think and well...it can be another way of seeing things, so well...that's that :P
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

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    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    ^_^ i very much appriciate all of your comments and will keep them in mind when i next put my fingers to the keys...

    and i'm very glad that you critiqued my poem and not necessarily the viewpoint. i did not expect anyone to really agree with me, and i'm not saying that you must.

    but thank you all very much!

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    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    ........viewpoint....I think I kinda did, about peace and all....sry if it's not what you wanted...............*shies off*
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

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    S.E.L - sexy etna lover Baal may be famous one day Baal may be famous one day Baal's Avatar
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    Re: I contemplate... oh, you know...

    its beutifull



    the eternity.
    the peace.

    i don't like peace, i prefer happiness

    ''but without peace theres no happines nor soul to share the heart with those that are out in the cold''



    perdoname michelle!

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