I contemplate... oh, you know...

*Abu Dhabi* · Sep 19, 2006, 11:45 PM

Once i felt peace.
it was scary.
i was there in my body,
but i felt nothing.

Everything seemed to exist
but i could only watch it
like water.
i felt like the ocean.

Being able to see
the shore, the sky, everything.
yet unable to do anything,
touch anything.

I looked at my Darling Love and felt nothing
no twidge of emotion.
i was so scared.
peace is so scary.

Emotion comes from chaos,
Tranquility comes with peace.
peace is somthing everyone thinks they want
until they feel it.

the emptiness.
the purgatory.
the eternity.
the peace.

i don't like peace, i prefer happiness.

Nympho · Sep 20, 2006, 09:16 PM

Very nice. But peace sounds almost like you mean satisfaction or something. Its not a peace i can recognize. Sounds like depression almost. But it was a good poem.

My fave part is:
Being able to see
the shore, the sky, everything.
yet unable to do anything,
touch anything.

It has so much meaning. You can feel the helplessness you are describing.

But this part can be removed or revised:
peace is somthing everyone thinks they want
until they feel it.

raja_psyche · Sep 21, 2006, 06:52 AM

a poem about peace. i'm interested at the theme of the poem and you managed to express what you feel on words. you poem made me identify something about peace *i never thought that peace would be so scary*

*Kasai* · Sep 21, 2006, 03:53 PM

Hmm. Imagery seems to be missing in my opinion.

Soldat of life · Sep 22, 2006, 08:03 AM

peace is somthing everyone thinks they want
until they feel it.

This feels strange...I don't think many think peace that way, and particularly not me. I'd definately place another word to express a feeling of absence...as during peace, there can be minor conflicts or good times of any osrts. War or absence of peace is quite viloent is what I think and well...it can be another way of seeing things, so well...that's that :P

*Abu Dhabi* · Sep 22, 2006, 09:04 AM

^_^ i very much appriciate all of your comments and will keep them in mind when i next put my fingers to the keys...

and i'm very glad that you critiqued my poem and not necessarily the viewpoint. i did not expect anyone to really agree with me, and i'm not saying that you must.

but thank you all very much!

Soldat of life · Sep 22, 2006, 09:31 PM

........viewpoint....I think I kinda did, about peace and all....sry if it's not what you wanted...............*shies off*

*Baal* · Sep 23, 2006, 09:11 PM

its beutifull

the eternity.
the peace.

i don't like peace, i prefer happiness

''but without peace theres no happines nor soul to share the heart with those that are out in the cold''

Sep 19, 2006, 11:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
Abu Dhabi Spoken for. Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Neither here... nor there. Posts: 1,507 Thanks: 12 Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts Credits: 6,499	I contemplate... oh, you know... Once i felt peace. it was scary. i was there in my body, but i felt nothing. Everything seemed to exist but i could only watch it like water. i felt like the ocean. Being able to see the shore, the sky, everything. yet unable to do anything, touch anything. I looked at my Darling Love and felt nothing no twidge of emotion. i was so scared. peace is so scary. Emotion comes from chaos, Tranquility comes with peace. peace is somthing everyone thinks they want until they feel it. the emptiness. the purgatory. the eternity. the peace. i don't like peace, i prefer happiness. __________________ Animal Friends! great day! want to read my comic? go here~!
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Sep 20, 2006, 09:16 PM	#2 (permalink)
Nympho Upcoming Legend Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: I get bored easily Posts: 511 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 601	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... Very nice. But peace sounds almost like you mean satisfaction or something. Its not a peace i can recognize. Sounds like depression almost. But it was a good poem. My fave part is: Being able to see the shore, the sky, everything. yet unable to do anything, touch anything. It has so much meaning. You can feel the helplessness you are describing. But this part can be removed or revised: peace is somthing everyone thinks they want until they feel it. __________________ I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.
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Sep 21, 2006, 06:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
raja_psyche Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In the Pearl of the Orient Posts: 393 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,477	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... a poem about peace. i'm interested at the theme of the poem and you managed to express what you feel on words. you poem made me identify something about peace i never thought that peace would be so scary __________________ Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^
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Sep 21, 2006, 03:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,380	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... Hmm. Imagery seems to be missing in my opinion. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Sep 22, 2006, 08:03 AM	#5 (permalink)
Soldat of life RPG Lord and Master/Poet Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Sainte-Foy, Qc (Canada) Posts: 850 Thanks: 1 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts Credits: 4,048	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... peace is somthing everyone thinks they want until they feel it. This feels strange...I don't think many think peace that way, and particularly not me. I'd definately place another word to express a feeling of absence...as during peace, there can be minor conflicts or good times of any osrts. War or absence of peace is quite viloent is what I think and well...it can be another way of seeing things, so well...that's that :P __________________ Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^ Poetry Corner
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Sep 22, 2006, 09:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
Abu Dhabi Spoken for. Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Neither here... nor there. Posts: 1,507 Thanks: 12 Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts Credits: 6,499	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... ^_^ i very much appriciate all of your comments and will keep them in mind when i next put my fingers to the keys... and i'm very glad that you critiqued my poem and not necessarily the viewpoint. i did not expect anyone to really agree with me, and i'm not saying that you must. but thank you all very much! __________________ Animal Friends! great day! want to read my comic? go here~!
Status: Offline

Sep 22, 2006, 09:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
Soldat of life RPG Lord and Master/Poet Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Sainte-Foy, Qc (Canada) Posts: 850 Thanks: 1 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts Credits: 4,048	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... ........viewpoint....I think I kinda did, about peace and all....sry if it's not what you wanted...............shies off __________________ Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^ Poetry Corner
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Sep 23, 2006, 09:11 PM	#8 (permalink)
Baal S.E.L - sexy etna lover Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Mayaguez Posts: 1,066 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 309	Re: I contemplate... oh, you know... its beutifull the eternity. the peace. i don't like peace, i prefer happiness ''but without peace theres no happines nor soul to share the heart with those that are out in the cold'' __________________ perdoname michelle!
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