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Thread: Inescapable Visitation

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Inescapable Visitation

    This is about someone i know is my true love. Sounds corny, but honestly it is very sad. He was my best friend. And we never got a chance to express how we felt until it was too late. I got married to someone else and am going to have a baby boy. And i can't help but think of him everyday. So a word from the slow at wise, "if you love someone, don't wait. Don't ever wait."

    A returning visitor
    Unsure of its welcome
    Into my watch
    Third eye, thought
    Close all three
    And your there in my dreams
    It was better to be the runaway
    But you keep coming back to me
    Everything in every shade of gray
    Is a reflection of you
    I try not to
    Become your visitor
    But how can I not
    When all I see is you
    A silver silhouette
    Mourning our void

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  2. #2
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    ^_^ i thought that this was very beautiful, your unsure anxiety falling off the words!

    my one suggestion is that that maybe the last line could also be a color... ^_^ bu that's up to you! anyways! it rocks! rock, rock on Nympho!

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Nympho,

    Outstanding job writing this! You expressed you emotions in every line, I can feel the emotion that you had or have for this person! Looking forward to more of you work!

  4. #4
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    very awesome poem #1 customer and your right you should always
    tell the one you love you love them beofre its to late, andf this poem
    really expresses how much you love this other person a really awesome poem
    i loved it
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  5. #5
    S.E.L - sexy etna lover Baal may be famous one day Baal may be famous one day Baal's Avatar
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    This wasnt corny it is full of care and it says to me that sometimes ''the past could be ur future''



    perdoname michelle!

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    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Inescapable Visitation

    I posted this in another forum and got bad feedback. So im glad you guys all liked it. They said they didnt get my free verse style and i had to explain everything. I'm glad i have an intelligent audience Thank you so much for your friendly critiques.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  7. #7
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Inescapable Visitation

    A person has to free their mind and allow the words of you poem to speak to them not just be like "oh I don't understand what your talking about." Some people can be so close minded to emotion that it will ruin a great poem, but you did and awesome job, take care of that baby boy when he's born Momma!

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