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Thread: Saigon & Kiki

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku N.Y._Soulja may be famous one day N.Y._Soulja may be famous one day N.Y._Soulja's Avatar
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    Saigon & Kiki

    Saigon looked at Kiki; she stared at the moon with a smile on her face. I wonder what’s going through her mind, Saigon asked himself.
    Kiki glanced at Saigon and smiled at him, and then at the moon. Love... what is it? Is there a true definition to it? Can love be expressed in words?
    Saigon took a sip of his soda. Kiki held her soda. “Is this your first time on a date Saigon?” She asked.
    He looked at her, and then took another sip of his soda. “Yea, it’s my first time on a date, why is it yours?”
    She looked at him with a soft smile, “No it isn’t,” She responded, “but, it’s the first date I’ve enjoyed.”
    She inclined closer to him; she placed her legs on the bench. Her head leaned on his chest; he took off his jacket and placed it on her. “The first one you’ve enjoyed huh?”
    She snuggled closer to him, and leisurely closed her eyes. “Yes, it’s been the only date I’ve enjoyed, and I’m hoping for more like these.”
    Saigon smiled and looked at the moon, “yea, me too, I hope we get more of these.”
    Saigon wrapped his arms around her and gave her a tight hug, “I enjoy being with you, you’re a real sweet girl.”
    She smiled and whispered “and you’re a real gentlemen, for a demon.”
    She giggled under her breath. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Saigon asked sarcastically.
    He laughed, and sat back. “I don’t care that you’re a demon, you’re still a great guy.”
    Saigon smiled. “Thank you; you’re a great young lady.”
    She scoffed and snuggled more into him. “I think we should get going.” Saigon advised.
    “No.” Kiki said without opening her eyes. “Let’s stay a little bit longer.”
    Saigon looked at her and smiled, “all right, just a bit longer.”
    Kiki smiled, “thank you.”
    You should stop talking about your dreams, and start making them.

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  2. #2
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: Saigon & Kiki

    ^_^ i think it's a very cute little story!

    however, i think if you expanded your vocabulary a little it would really lend itself to your work. Having to repeat words or names a lot can have a repetitive affect that is not enjoyed. Keep up the great work!

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Saigon & Kiki

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu Dhabi View Post
    ^_^ i think it's a very cute little story!

    however, i think if you expanded your vocabulary a little it would really lend itself to your work. Having to repeat words or names a lot can have a repetitive affect that is not enjoyed. Keep up the great work!

    Abu, you hit the nail on the head. you already know what I want from this, Soulja. I want you to redo it and repost that product that contains elaboration and imagery. that's your homework for right now.
    Seduced by Flesh


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