Thank You

I wrote this poem and posted it in poems/fanfics and I didn't get the type of constructive criticism I wanted so I'm posting it here, in hopes that I will become a better writer.





Thank You




Thank you for all the lies you told
Thank you for every stare so cold.
Thank you for every stabbing pain
Thank you for hate that falls like rain.


Thank you for all crime you’ve done
Thank you another injustice done.
Thank you for breaking my heart
Thank you for making my life fall apart.


Thank you for being so naïve and cruel
Thank you for making me look like a fool.
Thank you for another lying song
Thank you you’re really Satan’s pawn.


Thank you for being care free
Thank you for being so damn bleak.
Thank you for ever moment spared
Thank you never really cared.


Thank you for another sleepless night
Thank you your ignorance is polite.
Thank you for the emotionless times
Thank you for being so quick to drop a dime.


So for all these cruel times you put me through
Damn I just want to say THANK YOU!

As most of you know, i am not a fan of excessive rhyming or word usage. Try not to force what you feel by trying to figure out what rhymes with it. If you just write what you feel it will have rhythm that will replace the rhyming and more often than not it will have some rhyming.

I find it on the contrary quite good, even very emotional. Indeed the words thank you is used excessively, but when you just can't express enough to make it come out, I think it's used just the right amount of times. When you feel something, you make it come out all the way, that's what I think at least.

End of comment :P

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Soldat of life

I find it on the contrary quite good, even very emotional. Indeed the words thank you is used excessively, but when you just can't express enough to make it come out, I think it's used just the right amount of times. When you feel something, you make it come out all the way, that's what I think at least.

End of comment :P

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I have to disagree,Max. I saw the emotion,I just never felt it. The repititionof the "thankyou" began to get onmy nerves. I'd like to see another way of phrasing "thank you".

Maybe,but I think in today's standards, writing is much less conventional. Yes it's good to express yourself with different words, but if you can't make it come out using different words, why not say it how you feel it?

End note: Variety is best, trying your best is all that matters, unless you wanna try and get better.

:D Its a perfecto rime poem i love this kind of poem!