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Thread: Thank You

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Thank You

    I wrote this poem and posted it in poems/fanfics and I didn't get the type of constructive criticism I wanted so I'm posting it here, in hopes that I will become a better writer.





    Thank You




    Thank you for all the lies you told
    Thank you for every stare so cold.
    Thank you for every stabbing pain
    Thank you for hate that falls like rain.


    Thank you for all crime you’ve done
    Thank you another injustice done.
    Thank you for breaking my heart
    Thank you for making my life fall apart.


    Thank you for being so naïve and cruel
    Thank you for making me look like a fool.
    Thank you for another lying song
    Thank you you’re really Satan’s pawn.


    Thank you for being care free
    Thank you for being so damn bleak.
    Thank you for ever moment spared
    Thank you never really cared.


    Thank you for another sleepless night
    Thank you your ignorance is polite.
    Thank you for the emotionless times
    Thank you for being so quick to drop a dime.


    So for all these cruel times you put me through
    Damn I just want to say THANK YOU!

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    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Thank You

    As most of you know, i am not a fan of excessive rhyming or word usage. Try not to force what you feel by trying to figure out what rhymes with it. If you just write what you feel it will have rhythm that will replace the rhyming and more often than not it will have some rhyming.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

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    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: Thank You

    I find it on the contrary quite good, even very emotional. Indeed the words thank you is used excessively, but when you just can't express enough to make it come out, I think it's used just the right amount of times. When you feel something, you make it come out all the way, that's what I think at least.

    End of comment :P
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Thank You

    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    I find it on the contrary quite good, even very emotional. Indeed the words thank you is used excessively, but when you just can't express enough to make it come out, I think it's used just the right amount of times. When you feel something, you make it come out all the way, that's what I think at least.

    End of comment :P
    I have to disagree,Max. I saw the emotion,I just never felt it. The repititionof the "thankyou" began to get onmy nerves. I'd like to see another way of phrasing "thank you".
    Seduced by Flesh


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    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: Thank You

    Maybe,but I think in today's standards, writing is much less conventional. Yes it's good to express yourself with different words, but if you can't make it come out using different words, why not say it how you feel it?

    End note: Variety is best, trying your best is all that matters, unless you wanna try and get better.
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

  6. #6
    S.E.L - sexy etna lover Baal may be famous one day Baal may be famous one day Baal's Avatar
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    Re: Thank You

    Its a perfecto rime poem i love this kind of poem!



    perdoname michelle!

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