Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Unaccepted

  1. #1
    ♥ (¯'·._.·[GEISHA ゲイシャ]·. HieisLove may be famous one day HieisLove may be famous one day HieisLove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    In my own world..
    Posts
    903
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Unaccepted

    Unaccepted

    Beaten flesh
    Soul torn apart

    Emotionally killed
    Physically abused

    Discriminated;
    Hated for who you are

    Never accept
    Never understood

    Broke down in tears
    Always trying to hide

    As the same questions
    Sometimes get answers

    One is hated
    One cries

    One never understood
    One is hurt from abuse

    One is dicriminated
    One is unaccepted

  2. #2
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    I get bored easily
    Posts
    523
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Unaccepted

    Like my comment in the first one, same goes for this poem. Although this one is better.

    This part is unnecessary:

    One is hated
    One cries

    One never understood
    One is hurt from abuse

    One is dicriminated
    One is unaccepted


    Its repeating what you just said like to confirm it, but i don't see why you need to. Its sounds good to end before this section.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  3. #3
    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Sainte-Foy, Qc (Canada)
    Posts
    881
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts

    Re: Unaccepted

    And this time...................................this idea is frakly abused somewhat.

    The "One" not being the thing abused somewhat. Negativity is abused....kinda. You should try your next poem to find a grasping in positivity or neutrality or if you really simply feel bad things inside, find new ways of expressing yourself as the same idea placed in many continuing poems is just aa way to lead yourself farther and farther away from yourself. Think things out and well, take your time to further develop the pains or good things taht are inside you....

    ...I hope this comment helps...
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts