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Thread: Untitled

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Untitled

    Untitled



    People’s opinion clash like thunder and lightning
    Striking the ground putting fear into hearts of many
    Words of warmth and kindness thrown like daggers
    Stabbing the hearts of the kind and unadulterated

    Eyes of the innocent become teary and clouded
    Tears that were pure now begin to bleed red
    The unadulterated begin to shed their skins
    Like a serpent beginning anew life before it strikes

    The never ending cycle or heartache and grief
    Resumes once more as does life and death
    Piercing the mind like a needle does the skin
    Reality like a drug it numbs and soon sets in


    I'm having writers block so bare with me on this one. Comments and critiques are welcomed

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Hmmm. You gave me a straight to the point poem. I wouldve liked to see what made these emotions rise. Other than that? I like the way you write poetry.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    By this did you mean elaborate more on imagery or just letting the emotions flow more to form a picture for the reader to understand where I was coming from?

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