Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 1 2
Results 9 to 14 of 14

Thread: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

  1. #9
    Otaku raja_psyche may be famous one day raja_psyche may be famous one day raja_psyche's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    In the Pearl of the Orient
    Posts
    393
    Thanks
    16
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Re: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

    i'm a kinda late in giving critiques... anyways here it goes:

    @ shinigami's angel: In my opinion these lines makes a great start for the poem. It makes me want to know what's next.

    @zyta: i liked, the first 3 lines. but i think there is something missing... the fourth line seemed not fit to it...

    @Soldat: i liked this one. the lines are filled with clear descriptions. lonely and endless journey.

    @Brightshadow: i would like to see more detail in the lines. but it is good though.

    @Soulja: this stanza captured my senses by giving expressive descriptions. good work!

    @Abu Dhabi: this one is unique, eventhough this style is new to me, i liked it!

    @Nympho: The stanza creates the imagery of having a baby in the tummy for 9 months. for me it is good as it is.

    @Creamsilver: this stanza seems to be good if some revising will be done. Add a bit of detail and some image-making words.

    @Hieislove: the lines are expressive in its own way. I suggest to get rid of ; in the first 3 lines.

    @Rock: it will be better if some revising will be done. for me, it somewhat lacks detail.

    Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^

  2. #10
    Newbie ROCKANIME2007 may be famous one day ROCKANIME2007 may be famous one day ROCKANIME2007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    62
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

    Zyta- great made my day nice HAPPY peom loved it

  3. #11
    S.E.L - sexy etna lover Baal may be famous one day Baal may be famous one day Baal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Mayaguez
    Posts
    1,064
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

    Shinigami's_Angel
    Night Angel

    Angel of the Night
    The stary sky is so Bright
    Take flight and soar
    Bring Joy to the Living Night.


    I like this one cuz of is so angelic and positive kinda makes me to fly ( if i could)

    Originally Posted by Kasai
    An Endless Rain

    I stand by in the clouds.
    As heavy thunder rolls in,
    As misty rain falls in shrouds,
    Hiding the sunlight which is now put to an end.

    is great but such a diference from the last line to the others.

    Originally Posted by Soldat of life
    Work

    Living in an endless hell,
    He seeks to find what lies beyond.
    Where he may find his own true path,
    Regretfully, his journey is solitary.

    its kind of a dark one but it about hope and doing things alone reminds of me.

    Originally Posted by BrightShadow_96
    Pending

    Awaiting an awakening
    In the dread of his life
    Looking for more
    And avoiding his strife


    Avoiding mistakes and making a new way, thats really nice


    Originally Posted by N.Y._Soulja
    His blood splashed on her palms.
    She bent over his massacrated body,
    and held herself with her arms
    cold on the outside, in the inside... not sorry


    this 1 is like perfect but hard to understand.


    Originally Posted by Abu Dhabi
    Every day is a surp-rise
    before the sun-rise
    on the bus-ride
    home.



    p.s.: >.< i suck at rhyming... ^_^ but the rythm was there! the rythm!


    it rimes with a diferent way not much as original poems but is great.

    Originally Posted by Nympho
    Ballad of the Unborn

    Unwelcoming the new day
    A pain thrives in my stomach
    Getting out of bed is a misguided mission
    Nine months of slumber

    I don't know if i did this right!

    is it a free verse poem?
    i just not in on free poems but if he fixed the last line with rime it would be to turn out cool.


    Originally Posted by creamsilver
    The lonley angel that walked
    the gloomy night
    before with fell
    from the starry sky.

    here is mine but its bad-_-

    it ok to me it rimes great, but i dont know if starry is written that way.



    perdoname michelle!

  4. #12
    ♥ (¯'·._.·[GEISHA ゲイシャ]·. HieisLove may be famous one day HieisLove may be famous one day HieisLove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    In my own world..
    Posts
    903
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Re: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

    Why is everyone but two people not commenting mine?
    ♥ (¯'·._.·[GEISHA ゲイシャ]·._.·'¯) ♥

  5. #13
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

    Probably because the members havent gone back and commented on the new work.
    Seduced by Flesh


  6. #14
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    I get bored easily
    Posts
    523
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: Practice.1- Ballad Poetry (CRITIQUE.comments)

    What the hell!!!!!!!! I'm not a guy!!!!! Why does these newbie's think i'm a guy!!!!

    And for your info....for the second time! Its about my unborn son in my stomach. Its about me being pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 1 2

Similar Threads

  1. Practice.1- Ballad Poetry!
    By Kasai in forum Archive of Events
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: Aug 26, 2006, 01:14 PM
  2. Fanfic and Poetry section removed
    By Trunks in forum The Thread Vault
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Sep 15, 2005, 07:19 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts