Thread: Workout 3. (CRITIQUE.comments)

A Doll’s Confession

Sitting in an old wooden chair,
My violet eyes are at constant stare
In the direction of my doll maker,
The doll maker, who is my creator.

His words are like harmony in my heart,
His every single deed brings joy.
The way he looks makes my heart feel
Emotions I never knew would be real.

I feel so worthless and weak,
In the times I do see him cry
Knowing that I can’t wipe his tears
And to calm his innermost fears.

The thing that they call life,
Is what I will forever long for,
To make it possible for me to confess
My love and adoration to my dearest!


Is it a sin for a doll like me,
To love the being who created me?
Is it wrong for me to feel,
The passion destined for human beings?

Wow! This was absolutely beautiful! A love poem not entirely focused on the loss of love. I completely drool over the idea of the poem. And ot only was it a thuoght outside of the box? But you executed it fairly well. I'd have to say the wording gets a little iffy around the last two verses of the 1st stanza.

Love can be clever


It might take forever
will reaching the stars
holding strong together
while resisting to the last

theres a small feeling in ypu
deep inside the light
who knew love was clever
it change m entire life

I can see within you
what's inside that heart
it gives me a feeling
to make a new start

love can hold us stronger
more than you think
we can dream forever
will reaching the new life
__________________

This poem brought a smile to my lips. The few spelling errors did irk me.

My only; His only angel

His glowing angel I am
His dying love he has for me
An answered prayer I am of his
His forever I am
For years I cried my tears,
For years he held me
For so long I been sad
For so long I wanted love
He, who will be my only;
My other;
My hope;
My everything
The warmth he gives me
I smile of happiness
I know it was meant to be
I know this was destiny
I wish upon a star that this is true
I rather die than to be alone;
To be with out my love
And I know he too rather die
Than to be without
His only angel

Hmm. At first I did not like the wording or the repetition. However, once I reread it the devices all formed to make a nice poem.

Quote:
A Doll’s Confession

Sitting in an old wooden chair,
My violet eyes are at constant stare
In the direction of my doll maker,
The doll maker, who is my creator.

His words are like harmony in my heart,
His every single deed brings joy.
The way he looks makes my heart feel
Emotions I never knew would be real.

I feel so worthless and weak,
In the times I do see him cry
Knowing that I can’t wipe his tears
And to calm his innermost fears.

The thing that they call life,
Is what I will forever long for,
To make it possible for me to confess
My love and adoration to my dearest!


Is it a sin for a doll like me,
To love the being who created me?
Is it wrong for me to feel,
The passion destined for human beings?

This one is really touching and chills me out.

Love can be clever


It might take forever
will reaching the stars
holding strong together
while resisting to the last

theres a small feeling in ypu
deep inside the light
who knew love was clever
it change m entire life

I can see within you
what's inside that heart
it gives me a feeling
to make a new start

love can hold us stronger
more than you think
we can dream forever
will reaching the new life

i know i make errors but i make a feeling i just love this 1.


His glowing angel I am
His dying love he has for me
An answered prayer I am of his
His forever I am
For years I cried my tears,
For years he held me
For so long I been sad
For so long I wanted love
He, who will be my only;
My other;
My hope;
My everything
The warmth he gives me
I smile of happiness
I know it was meant to be
I know this was destiny
I wish upon a star that this is true
I rather die than to be alone;
To be with out my love
And I know he too rather die
Than to be without
His only angel

I like this one because of the rithim even if its repeated
its really dreamy to!

A Doll’s Confession

Sitting in an old wooden chair,
My violet eyes are at constant stare
In the direction of my doll maker,
The doll maker, who is my creator.

His words are like harmony in my heart,
His every single deed brings joy.
The way he looks makes my heart feel
Emotions I never knew would be real.

I feel so worthless and weak,
In the times I do see him cry
Knowing that I can’t wipe his tears
And to calm his innermost fears.

The thing that they call life,
Is what I will forever long for,
To make it possible for me to confess
My love and adoration to my dearest!


Is it a sin for a doll like me,
To love the being who created me?
Is it wrong for me to feel,
The passion destined for human beings?

I like this one it shows much emotion, and devotion to the topic in the matter