poem of the day da da ta ta
f you hate me than throw me away
if you love me than cherish me
with all your heart
thats all i ask
from the bottom of my heart
to treat how you want to treat me
i want the truth
tell me wat you like and dislike
thanx Lasura for checking out my witch story, if any of you guys want to too, please do.
Ur welcomed EmoNightmareRose ^^ And yah, his story is worth reading ppl and it's not long whatsoever ^^
@ AGAki: This time I have a little bit more criticism ^^ Again I like the poem very, very much and I love that you show a great thought in it, but some parts seemed a bit odd.
Firstly I would put the "with all your heart" in the line before it, but it's just me, I know many people like to make a sentence over many lines, but I find it disturbing to read >.<
And also I found it a bit odd that you say "to treat how you want to treat me" it's kinda odd, treating like I want to treat a guy wouldn't mean I treat him how he desrves to be treated or show him my true feelings. I would write something like: "To treat me how I earn to be treated" or something like that, just don't leave the want
There were also some little spelling errors ^^ ("then" not "than" (than is used when you say "better than" and so on, then is to say "at that moment"), "secrets" not "secreats") and for a real nice poem you could want to write every letter at the beginning of a line with a capital letter and to put the ' thingys in that's ^^
AGAki: Lasu basically nailed my critique of your poem too.
I know I seem lazy and I kinda am. I've been up all night fundraising for cancer. My school raised 13 thousand dollars for the cause. Now, I'm going to take a nap...
Red: something's been replaced
Blue: structure changed.
im just throwing this out there, but thank you lasura, for spending time on giving us your opinion, and i appreciate it. most people wouldnt care. if you want, can u look at my poems 'Echo & Narcissus' or 'all i want'?
Lasura:thanks for the help honestly i really like the way everyone is helping me with this XD
ok this poem just poped in my head and im curious if im a genious at writting here it goes
my cell repeats
and i look and im full of discreat
for i dont know how to respond
for this that is come appon
to my attention
i hate you
i wish i can be with you
but you chose another
so im going to kill
that is your girl tasha
and there nothin you can do about it
.....so i sit
and look at this sich
and i do
what christians do
when its out of your hands
and where you know that only god has the demand
to stop this
i fall of my seat
for another message appears
and my eyes are full of tears
for there was police
and there force was so discreat
that they stoped
and i sat there amazed
by the power
that my father
uses to help me
and i say repeatedly
thank you thank you
please fill free to tell me the problems XD
Well the story is really nice AGAki ^^ I really didn't like the fact that you've made such short lines and put sentences over multiple lines... really made it very hard to read O.o Also some vocabulary use seemed odd to me like "sich" (don't even know what that is) and "god has the demand" (it should be "power" not "demand"). Yah well otherways I guess it was ok ^^
And thank you for thanking me ^^ lol I will read your poems then EmoNightmareRose when I can ^^ You just need to ask people, because otherways I'm too lazy and scared to look in the poem section (appart from the POTM part)
I understand the fear of the poem's section =PI've had a few tirades in there myself and almost got myself banned once or twice...
Agaki, great idea but it needs some serious work.
I'm sorry to be so blunt and so cruel but I'd like to know if english is your mother language. Then I can work from there. Once again, sorry to be such an @$$ but, think of it as my way of saying that I care enough to try without fluffing everything up.