if you have ever been depressed then you know how i feel right now.
but what is it that has made you that way??
would it make you feel better or worse that its all because of you own mother thats supposed to be there for you. the one thats supposed to comfort you.
Yes she is the one that is the reason for it all. and she doesnt even realize it.
you cry not even ten feet away from her and yet she still doesnt' realize how much you hurt. she only thinks of her own problems. she is being selfish. anda ll you want is for her to hold you and tell you its all right.
All yoou want is for her to actually hear what you say. instead of yelling at you because of how you feel even though you cant help it.
and the worst part you cant leave she wont let you leave. she keeps you confined in this hell hole. The moment you find anytupe of freedom she takes it away from you everytime. you are left to cry. and hurt by yourself.
you wish you could tell someone how you feel but the moment she finds out taht you said somthing you are punished. because you want to say somthing. yet she wont even let you do that. she wont let you express yourself.
now i have finally realized and accepted that i am depressed. and its because of her.
and theres no way to escape it. stuck here alone.
YUP YUP!
HEADING OUT SATURDAY MORNING @ 5:15......T_T
it really saddens me that i have to get up at like 4 on a saturday to go run. T_T
oh well i am just really happy. cause its my first meet and i am so excited!!!
WOOT WOOT!
but yea i am doing 2 events!
the 4x8 witch is 4 girls run 2 laps around the track witch should be 400 yard/meters(i forgot witch one lol) around. so thats 2 laps. i am luckily that 4th leg!! so i just sprint the last part. woot woot!!!
and then DUN DUN DUMMM!!!
THE 1600(MILE)!!!
yea i have to run the mile. thats why i am on the distance team. lol. not sprinting. cause i dont like sprinting or my schools sprinters. lol. they suck and so i have started to grow a dislike for them. lol.
but yea.....
anywho...
it feels horrible. yea it does i feel like im dieing. it sucks.
he says its not bad but it feels like a goodbye
what do i do.
he says he wants to return the favor of my love and i feel as if im not doing enough so what do i do.
he says we only have one part of a relationship but i feel as if we have both.
he says im an ok kisser but it sounds like he doesn't want me cause of it.
but he says no thats not it. i dont know what it is.
im confussed it feels like a goodbye. but i dont know.
i never thought we were missing anything. cept the time we never have together.
he says it not a 100% love but thats all i give. he wants to love me like that
100% but i dont know it feels so horrible to hear he doesn't love me as much as i love him. i dont know what to do.
im sitting here crying my eyes out as he says this and i dont know what to think. what to do. i will see him tomorrow but will i run to him or will i just say hi and walk away. i dont know. it hurts to think about this and i dont want to think about it.
I HATE IT I WANT TO SCREEM AND CRY AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO TAKE THIS PAIN AWAY. BUT WHAT DO I DO!?
i dont know what to do.
Im a military girlfriend I hold no recognition with the powers that be
I am at the bottom of the chair. I hold no MILITARY ID Card.
Im not a "dependent" or a parent
The MAN i love may face UNSPEAKABLE DANGERS
and i am at the mercy of those who possess
the recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.
I am a MILITARY GIRLFRIEND I have promised to be here.
for him upon HIS RETURN, no matter how long he is away. People may say i am insane for making such a commitment
With NO Guarantees but hold on to OUR PROMISES
and have faith that he will come home safe to me.
i know full welll the my love for him fuels him in the worst of times
I am a MILITARY GIRLFRIEND
There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment
THOUGH I LOVE HIM NO LESS FOR IT
I HOPE that everyday he will be able to call
because a simple 30 second phone call
can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions
smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain
my relationship is based on a brief communication where
"I LOVE YOU AND I'M OKAY" speaks more than volums
and gives me the STRENGTH to keep going
I AM A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND
I take no moment spent together for granted
I hold onto every touch
CARESS, KISS, EVERY WORD. I have memorized
the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice
and i play it over and over in my mind so that i will not forget
I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP some nights
because missing him hurts so badly
but wake up the next morning
brush myself off, and start a new day
I AM A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND. The events of the next several
hold my life, my love and my future in the balance
when you watch news reports you may turn away
and go about your business relatively unaffected
When i watch news stories of the WARS
I do not see nameless SOLDIERS a half world away
I see individuals who will be forever changed by WAR
News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness
I AM A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND not a spouse or a family member
When you say your prayers for the HUSBANDS AND WIVES
mothers and fathers sisters and brothers and sisters
sons and daughters, don't forget about me.
OMG I MADE IT ON THE TRACK TEAM!!!!!!!!
IM SOO HAPPY!
ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. LOL.
ERRR I AM SO HAPPY. ^^ YAY.
i cant believe it. lol. this is too good to be true. lol. errr i soo happy..^^
